Christmas

Christmas was great. The service was superb and reminded me of the reason we live, the reason He died. I was also granted the privilege of seeing Kelvin's new friend got saved. All i did was arrange to sit with him, but God gave me so much joy for that.. Jian Lin is someone who has quite a lot of favour i think, and is seemingly teachable and intelligent. I think he will be quite an interesting friend..

Ehm, went home after that, even took a nap. Thank God for a friend and brother like Joseph. After that we went for dinner with very special company... and i had a great time. Jus enjoyed the company i guess, although we didnt really do anything but eat, drink and talk. Thank you Lord for the experiences You bring me through.

Merry Christmas to everyone, dad, mum and sis especially...

closer to God.

These days, i feel closer to God than in the past.. It's like.. whatever i am gg thru, it's more natural for me to talk to Him now.. Indeed we do not know how to go in and come out.. but jus know that He is good and faithful.

Trust in the Lord with all my heart, and lean not in my understanding. In everything, acknowledge Him, and He will make my paths straight...

2006..

2006 is coming. And it will be a year of even more. Better, stronger. It will be a year that we can follow His leading in us even more than before. And we will have even more favor.. in front, behind, all around us. The anointing on us will be stronger. And His glory is us will be even greater. Blessings will abound. And it will all be 5 times. We are the Benjamin generation. 5 times more! Favor, blessings, leading, strength, anointing, glory!

relax and enjoy

today was some day.. considering the quality of rest i had the previous night, i had started off the day thinkin it could end up as one stinking day. I wasnt in very good shape mentally and i still had two flights ahead of me. It was the first time i am flying twice in a heli..

Looking back, i think the turning point was when i declared that the day was going to be good and the flights would be good in Jesus name. I went on to enjoy two really good flights and i felt my instructors were quite impressed..

I feel God has along the way dropped some gift in me.. i dont know exactly when, but my flying had a marked improvement at some point in the last few weeks. And the instructors concured.. maybe it was confidence, maybe a new mentality that has broken me free from certain bondages, whatver it was, i thank God He is always with me. I believe He wants me to find purpose in my career again and enjoy it..

Somewhere along the way i find myself thinkin in a new way i have never b4.. that when somethin happens against my ideal desires, i do somethin about it instead of sitting there and reacting to the problem.. I feel that's helped my flying a whole lot cos i react less to when the aircraft's not behaving as i want it to..

Thank you Jesus. Everyday you remind me that you love me. That you are with me. All things good will happen in Your time and space. If it's not from you, i dont want it. But if it is, You have to be the one to put me in the right places and times. I just want to relax and enjoy!

Devotional 26 nov

"In Case I Ever Forget!"

Give thanks in all circumstances.1 Thessalonians 5:18 NIV

The following story has been reprinted by request; it needs no commentary: "They huddled inside the storm door - two children in ragged over-sized coats. 'Any old papers, lady?' I was busy. I wanted to say no - until I saw their feet. Little sandals sopped with sleet. 'Come in and I'll make you some hot cocoa.' There was no conversation. Their soggy sandals left marks on the hearthstone. I served them cocoa with toast and jam to fortify them against the chill outside. Then I went back to the kitchen to work on my household budget. The silence in the front room struck through me. I looked in. The little girl held the empty cup in her hands looking at it. The boy asked, 'Lady, are you rich?' I looked at my shabby slipcovers. 'Am I rich? Mercy, no!' The girl put the cup in its saucer! - carefully. 'Your cups match your saucers.' Her voice was old, with a hunger not of the stomach. Then they left, holding their bundles of paper against the wind. They hadn't said thank you. They didn't need to - they had done more than that. Much more. Plain blue pottery cups and saucers, but they matched. Potatoes and brown gravy; a roof over our heads; my man with a good steady job - these things matched, too. I moved the chairs back from the fire and tidied the living room. The muddy prints of small sandals were still wet upon my hearth. I let them be. I want them there in case I ever forget how rich I am!"

Bible-in-a-year Reading:Joshua 4-6, Mark 9:1-13,Psalm 114, Proverbs 27:20-22

Sensitivity?

Jesus i pray you prosper my mistakes.

Had a wierd dream last night.. i was training or somethin, and war suddenly set upon the country. I then found myself flying in aircrafts and even on occasions shooting enemies down. The wierd thing? All those aircraft platforms are not going to be my future platforms at all. Plus, for various reasons, 3 times i went up, 3 times my aircraft crashed. I survived all three but i really wonder if this dream has any significance.. esp since i am in my line of career..

Today's devotional by Kenneth Copeland surprised me somewhat.. It taught to regain my sensitivity. Cos i have always been told and have the impression that i am a sensitive person, or even a snag. And i had for some reasons gained the impression that it wasn't entirely a good thing. But i guess the scriptures shown in the devotional has really changed my perspective again..

Daily Devotional 22 nov

Working In A Difficult Environment (4)
God...put him in the garden...to tend and keep it.Genesis 2:15 AMP

While David was out in the pasture tending sheep, everyone's eyes were on Saul. But not God's: His eyes were on David watching how he worshipped, how his character was coming along, his relationship with and fear of God, and how he confronted evil. Would he be easily intimidated, or did he have the stuff kings were made of? How would he fare in battle? Would he see a giant, or a giant God standing behind him? Was he proud and self-sufficient, running ahead of God, or did he rely solely on God? Would he be fair with people? How would he handle authority? Would he speak evil of those placed over him? Or would he respect those in authority, regardless of their personal shortcomings?
David wasn't fully aware of what God had planned for him, but he acknowledged God in all his ways. Someone once said, "Character is what you are when nobody is watching." Well, God is always watching! He was watching David - and He's watching you!
Most of us do not work as though God is watching, or even cares about the job we're doing. We fail to realise that promotion doesn't come "from the east or the west... but [from] God" ( Psalm 75:6-7 NIV). Do you understand that as difficult as your current job may be, God has placed you there for a purpose? He has deposited you there so that you can learn how to deal with the enemy, grow in grace and maturity, and be trained for better things. Think about it!
Bible-in-a-year Reading:2 Chronicles 32-34, Mark 6:45-56,Psalm 76, Proverbs 27:4-6

Stress..

i was quite stressed at work today.. perhaps cos i was worrying too much.. perhaps cos i had not flown for 10 days and knew i had done little in the way of preparation. Regardless, i only knew that i was stressed, and i was desperate for it to go away. I began to think to myself what Pastor ever thought about stressed. What ways were there to get rid of it? What consciousness did i have to awake to? Then i realised that what i needed to do was simply ask God. i beseeched God to take it away from me. And in my spirit He reminded me that He was always with me.

I then opened my bible and flipped not knowing where to flip to. Somehow 2 Cor caught my eye. and the following goes:

2Co 12:8 For this thing I besought the Lord three times, that it might depart from me.
2Co 12:9 And He said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore I will rather glory in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may overshadow me.

God is so good. And He loves me so. I susequently went for the flight.. but the instructor had already decided to use the sortie as a free ungraded refresher for me due to the bad weather.. It was indeed better than anything i could ask or think of.. for i had indeed asked my brother to agree with me in prayer that i would have a good flight or wouldnt fly due to bad weather.. haha.. Thank You Jesus.

My Shield

Jesus you are my vindication. My Rock, Fortress and Strong Tower, in whom i can trust. You lead me beside green pastures and still waters. Thank you Lord for who knows me better than you.

the Power of God

Yesterday’s service was awesome for me.. in that it was the revealing of the power of God. God who created everything. In the perfection and harmony of creation, the perfection of God is shown. This God who is so powerful, who created the air i breathe, also came down to die for me. I guess to come to any understanding of the magnitude of the power of God, we have to know the magnitude of our God.

Rom 1:16 For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God unto salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.

The Gospel of Christ, IS the power of God, unto SALVATION! It is not the faith of the one praying but the preached good news that is the power! I guess it is when we realize this, that we become truly unashamed of the Gospel of Christ, preaching and praying!

Abba, I want to be the 200 men at the Brook Bensor. Sitting and drinking of the good news. And the free gift of grace and mercy!
Teach me Lord, in Your ways and wisdom. Give me Your wisdom, understanding and a kind heart. That everything I do would be out of Your guidance and infinite wisdom.
I have been forgiven not out of mercy but out of Your Righteousness! Your righteousness demands my success!

Online Devotional 19 nov

Working In A Difficult Environment
(1)God...put him in the garden...to tend and keep it.Genesis 2:15 AMP

Reject any notion of victim-hood that's laying claim to your peace and robbing you of contentment. Your job, in spite of its challenges, would have been the dream of your forefathers. Hey, didn't you pray to get this job that you now complain about? As difficult as it may be to accept, you are in your present position for a reason; you are also there for a season. Study the course, take the tests, graduate and move on to what God has for you next. There's something you need to learn and take with you from your present position into your next one. Like what? (a) Skill building. (b) Character building. You may need to learn computer skills such as Excel and Microsoft Word - plus patience and gratitude. You may need to learn how to manage an office -plus manage your moods. For those ! who love the Lord, no experience is ever wasted. Listen: "All things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose" ( Romans 8:28 NKJV). Sometimes it's difficult to see this in the moment. When Joseph was in the pit and the prison, it was hard to see how this road would lead to the palace, but it did. God has a master plan for your life. Your current job may well be preparation for the job God has in mind for you. Look back at the steps that have moved you in your present direction. Then trust that God is using each experience to bring about His will - and your joy.
Bible-in-a-year Reading:2 Chronicles 25-28, Mark 6:14-29,Psalm 50, Proverbs 26:27-28

busy busy

Been really busy lately.. busy like i have never been before in my life.. Flying's been exceptionally successful.. maybe unexpected..

Saw a show recently where a father and daughter were reconcilled through rock climbing. A flood of emotions came over me as i watched the show. As i watched it i realised i wanted to be able to trust God too, that whenever i fell, He would be there to catch me.

And He is always there. We are jus so quick to forget His love, His promises. But He always comes back and tells us He still loves us. Still forgives us.

Love

Someone taught me about love quite some time back. For sensitivity reasons, i decided not to put his/her name here. But don't speculate ok.

Yes yes, love is exactly like what the Bible says about it in 1 Cor 13. But this person summed it up to me in one word. Sacrifice. Said that when you love someone, you would sacrifice for that someone. And i asked, whether it was possible to love someone too much that it hurt the other person?

No, was the answer. Cos when that happens, in actual fact, you have already loved yourself more than that someone. Sometimes loving involves letting go of the person too. It all depends on the time and circumstances i guess. As i was told these things, i felt the Spirit raise up inside of me and say "There's no greater love than this, that a man would give up His life..."

Well this was actually sometime back. But for some reason i keep meeting situations in my life that remind me of that conversation and the truths in it.

Worship

Had quite a tough day at work. Everyday i go to work, i get a little discouraged. More often than not, it is my inadequacies that lead to it. I seem to be limited in my mental capacity to absorb things as fast as others. I feel it especially when it comes to doing daily routine tasks - like admin stuff and such. I was also told that in flight, it was not my handling that was the problem, but my mental spare capacity. I never thought i was stupid but i never thought i would struggle with something i feel i can do nothing about.

In the past weeks i realized that since my return from Australia, i had not spent as much time in the Word as i had been. Maybe it was because i had so little time left due to the travelling time. But i have decided that Jesus is going to be my first priority as it should have been since the beginning. Somewhere along the way, my behaviour had indicated that i lost sight of that.

Today i came home and worshipped God. Did it on Sunday too. As i was worshipping today, i asked for His presence. And He spoke this verse to me "How much more would your Father in Heaven give good gifts to His children?" And i remembered that good gifts in another chapter was recorded as the Holy Spirit. In an instant i was dwelling in His unmistakable presence.

I also received some revelations. Matthew 5:48 Therefore you shall be made perfect. Just as your Father in Heaven is perfect. I have been made perfect in His blood! Perfect in His eyes!
Matthew 7:12 Therefore whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 5:17 Do not think that i came to destroy the Law or Prophets. I did not come to destroy but to fulfill. Jesus was telling them to do what they wanted men to do to them. But i believed this was to show them that it was quite difficult living a life trying to fulfill the Law. But now, Jesus has fulfilled the Law and the Prophets! This means that people will show favour to me! I believe this in spite of my circumstaces.
Matthew 8:23-27 I am in the boat! My body, soul and spirit is in the boat, rocked by the issues of life around me. And Jesus is in my boat!! Shalom will reign because as i speak, He speaks! At the word of a king and a priest, all controversies are settled!

I really need Jesus. He gives me the strength to carry on where i would otherwise have given up. In career, relationships, family, friends, life. He is the vine. My well from which i need a constant drink from to last this life.

I am a Donkey.

been down with the flu.. took medical leave on wed, then went to see the MO again today. Well, he gave me mc for tmr and a medical status for tmr meaning that i wont be flying tmr. My course commander decided for me to stay home on fri too since i had the flu! Haha.. so this week really is like a long break for me..

Anyways, i hope my niece is doing fine cos she had to be hospitalized recently from fever. I believe she's healed. God loves her too.

I like this illustration. I am a donkey. haha.. When Jesus rode the donkey amidst all the cheers and praises, the donkey had better know that the praises are for Jesus, not it! I am a donkey..

Kelvin coming back soon liao.. i think he'll pass lah. Maybe he'll come same sqn as me? haha.. then i'll call him junior.. hehe.. anyway it's good he's comin back.. then i no need entertain his fans liao.. so many of them enquiring when Mr Universe will be back.. haha..

Thank You

Thank you Jesus for my life. Sometimes i forget that i have a beautiful life. At times i magnify issues and make them problems, when these things are actually "good headaches" to have. I thank You that You have redeemed me this wonderful life. I thank you for my family and friends. For my career, and for my emotions and thoughts.

work work work..

hmm.. been super busy recently. Yesterday i went to work at 6.. cos my work place is so far, i had to wake at 4 plus.. and that was with my dad fetching me.. ended work at 6.. against regulations actually i think. Simply absurd. Guess what.. tmr i gotta reach work by 530. to prepare for flight. Official work end time tmr is 1530. So if we end earlier than usual, it would stil be good for me to go bs.

Quite apprehensive about blogging some stuff. Since there are people looking around for things to report.. haha.

Anyways i have been looking at cars.. though i in the midst of taking my license. Only took 2 lessons so far. been looking at second hand cars that are only a year or two old. Thinking that if i can knock off thirty plus grandfrom the new car cost for the same model, it would make a good deal.. Not sure what car to buy though.. I'm sure God will lead me to the best deal when the time comes. He always has helped me when it comes to buyng stuff..

Got work to do. Well, if it rains heavily tmr morning and stops my flying, i am gonna have a little miracle to share.. haha..

Glimpses

attended campus today.. and praise God for anointed preachers. P. Darren talked about seeing Jesus. That when we see Jesus in every situation, in every circumstance, we shall not be shaken. It is when we gain a revelation of His blood. The value, the price. And when that revelation comes into our reality, our relationship with Him jus grows stronger. I don wanna give up knowing Jesus for anything in this world.

Even amidst such a non relational subject. i believe He gave me glimpses of truth in this area of my life. It was in recent times that got me wondering if i should be looking to get into a relationship. Whereas it was clear cut in the past, the recent months have been quite blurry for me in this aspect. Lost, is really what i would use to describe myself.

I realize that what i really want, and need, is to rest in God. And simply wait. Some would say i would get nothing done this way. But i believe that God is more than my inadequacies. He can put me in the right place and the right time, and cause me to act. Well one thing i know. If i do approach a girl, i do not want it to be out of a fear of wondering what i would miss if i didnt. And if i did not approach a girl, i do not want it to be out of a fear of rejection.

I also realize this. That even if i got rejected or have a bad relationship, i know that i will surely be alright. Cause Jesus is always with me. I think He means to liberate me with this truth.

In any case, i hope that whoever reads this doesnt speculate on anything. Jus take anything i type on face value. I am who i am by His grace. And i will embrace myself, even my weaknesses, because Jesus embraces every inch of me.

right place right time

supposed to fly today.. but weather held me up fromthe early afternoon all the way till four plus pm! At half past four, i was still waiting to see if i had to fly! Well, if i did, i would never have made it for bs. And i am so glad i did.

PP preached about positive confession and the bridling of our tongues, the gift of tongues, etc. I sometimes am amazed at his wisdom. When he expounds on the Word, i just know it must be God cos it jus isnt the wisdom of man speaking.

Chopper flying's been quite fun so far. Maybe cos i have been flying with quite a "love" instructor.. haha.. Duties gonna start coming in.. His grace is gonna see me thru.

i am a king and priest and my words will straighten all controversies and has power. A double portion power. Jesus, even as you put me in the right place and the right time, help me see it and have the courage to receive your blessings.

Jesus.

Jesus. I wanna know more of Jesus.

help me Jesus

had a friend pass away recently.. not sure about the cause, only know that he fell. Met him and talked to him a couple of times. He seemed such an innocent fellow. Now he is with the Lord.

Starting my first sortie tmr.. more to come during the week..

Need more focus in the things i do. Abba, help me through my life. Sometimes i really dont know what to do. Sometimes fear and worry set in. At times i feel quite helpless. But being courageous is about doing things even amidst the fears isnt it? Give me the courage Lord.

Glorification of Your name is ultimately still Your responsibility, and i believe You'll use me in ways beyond my imagination.

God loves me

God loves me. Regardless of my circumstances and my deeds, He loves me. His love was shown to me on the cross, when God came down from His heavely place to face and endure persecution, torment, humiliation and the cross. All at the hand of His creation. He came to love me with an everlasting love. And He gave me the Spirit of adoption, by whom i call Him Abba Father. His name is Love and His perfect love casts out all fears.

busy busy,,

been quite a busy week.. even though we've really only started the sims... Gotta say that i am a bit discouraged by the very high work rate of my colleagues.. But somewhere along the way i believe God was asking me why i was working according to people's expectations and performances...
Guess í've got a lot to learn...

i must say that trying to overcome the aircraft in the sim is quite challenging and fun. Helicopters are definitely the hardest aircrafts to fly. Guess i've always liked e challenge of controlling a machine, esp when it's difficult. I hope i find the same positive excitement from the real thing.

funny thing, this coming weeks.. Kelvin and Joseph are both away for at least another month... Guess it's good and i feel i can get closer to e NS care group...

God is faithful and He calls me friend.. His favour is upon me and He wants me to embrace who and what i am, including my weaknesses. My weaknesses will become His strengths.

man's foolishness

gg thru a testing period now.. But my life is really meant for Jesus. It makes it easier when we remember that our lives are lived for Jesus. We dont always make the right decisions, do the right things. But it is God who vindicates and justifies, and it is Him who gives favour to the undeserved - me. God will see me through every trial and tribulation, and will bring me out for the glorification of Him and the truth He brings.

The wisdom of man is truly foolishness to God. Sometimes i get distressed how the devil can use lies to bring people away from the truth. Man can always come up with his own sayings and principles to live by. But who better knows the truth than the Creator? Isnt it amusing how the creations think they know better than Him? How is it people can judge Christians for their lives and people of other religions dont get judged at all? When people do that it is just blatant that they do not know a single thing about what being a Christian is about...

God is most griefed when we do not believe He loves us and has forgiven us. When we do special things for someone we love, and that person rejects it or refuses to believe we did it for them, we ourselves get hurt. How much more God. How much more for a God who chose to come down as a human being and die for us..

God i pray you break every bondage the devil has on my family. I pray that You will reveal Your truths to them, that Your shalom peace will reign and crush every bondage.

Today's Devotional!!

I opened today's devotional and the following popped up, confirming with the revelation i had received and blogged on July 10th..

Get Back Up!David arose from the ground.2 Samuel 12:20 NAS

Look at David: standing on his balcony looking the wrong way at another man's wife. Then follows a night of sin, an unplanned pregnancy, a failed cover up, a pre-meditated murder, a royal wedding, a public exposure and a dying child. It doesn't get much worse. Covered in sackcloth and ashes he lies on the palace floor pleading for the life of the newborn child. For a whole week he cries, then it's over. "Is the child dead?" he asks. Yes. Listen: "David arose from the ground, washed, anointed himself, and changed his clothes; then he came into the house of the Lord and worshipped." Facing circumstances he couldn't change, receiving forgiveness he couldn't earn, learning a lesson he'd never forget, David closed the book and moved on. In Psalm 51 he prays, "Hide your face from my sin! s and blot out all my iniquity. Create in me a pure heart, O God" ( Psalm 51:9-10 NIV). And God answered his prayer. Listen: "I will sing of Your strength, in the morning I will sing of Your love; for You are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble" ( Psalm 59:16 NIV).
No doubt about it, our sin offends God. But our unwillingness to repent and receive His forgiveness offends Him even more! And that's what we do when we remain stuck in our failures. God never intended such a waste of life! The way to honour God after any failure is to get back up, corrected and redirected, and carry the message of His grace to others who've failed!

Underwater...

starting work tmr and this week will include our first simulator sorties... not prepared at all for them but i know God's grace is more than sufficient for all my needs. Whatever happens will be for good.

Anyway, the weekend proved really eventful. Cos i had to go for this Helicopter Underwater Egress Training... Where i got put in a fake helicopter body which was then lowered into water. I then had to complete certain actions and safely make my egress from the sinking "aircraft". There were a couple of profiles which included some which involved the helicopter turning upside down in water... Considering i am absolutely not the most comfortable person in water, i felt that it really boosted my confidence about gg underwater... Praise Jesus He gave me the courage to go through it... Though i did drink lots of water.. haha..

I would like to proclaim also that i am healed! haha.. from the flu i suffered from not too long ago.. i got really frustated at my medicine and decided to stop taking it totally. Well in case i wasnt really doing it out of faith, i actually kept the medicine aside instead of throwing it away.. well, God blessed me and i am feeling fine and dandy!

God i really need your grace in my life. My weaknesses will become your strengths. And let my life be for the glorification of Your name, not mine.

thanksgiving

The love of God is amazing. It is bursting forth from within me. Funny how life is.. when we become still and believe God, we get in a cycle that keeps on getting more and more amazing. But when we lose our focus and start looking to ourselves, we get trapped into a vicious cycle of works and maybe even depression. But i am convinced that God turns around even this into good for His works. In other words, as a Christian, i cant lose!

I guess God has spoken to me about having a thankful attitude, but the book i am reading by Joyce Meyer jus confirmed everything and made it straight forward for me. Having a a thankful attitude is different from thanking to get our blessings. A thankful attitude gives thanks continuously for what He has already done. For who He is, and who He has made me in His grace. I am who i am by His grace. And we thank God because He hears us. And when He hears us, He grants our requests. It is all done!

consciousness

Been receiving about consciousness recently. About being righteousness conscious. That instead of staying in the realm of saying there is therefore now no condemnation, i need to look further and say i am the righteousness of God in Christ. The former brings me into neutrality but the latter brings me into blessings and favour.

Seems to me that ever since i have understood what grace was a little more, it has been easier to understand the Word when i read it. But that's to be expected according to the Word. For when we understand grace, we are unveiled in our understanding of the Word. (2 cor 3:14)

With regards to a relationship, God has simply this to say, "Trust Me with it son, just rest. I love you".

i am healED

haiz.. fell sick on sunday and it followed thru til today, climaxing with a stomachache so bad i instinctively called out to Jesus. Decided not to go to work, but tmr will prove to be a really busy day. Still pondering how to get into the base from the entrance..

Jus so pissed at falling sick... really hate these lies of the devil. I AM HEALED! SICKNESS AND PAIN HAS PASSED AWAY! i AM THE LORD'S REDEEMED!

anyway, i'm gonna believe that i will wake up tmr morning feeling refreshed and good. And the first day in my new squadron will be a blessed one! The beginning of this new course signifies more hard work again. But i pray that my work will be commited to Him and His grace will abound in me. Hmmm... helicopters are flying past my home as i type this.. haha..

New Creation

Officially finished Ground School today... and it ended off with a course lunch and the presentation of the top in ground school. Well, i didnt get it, but i dont feel all that disappointed at all. I cant explain it but since my return to my church, it's like i have found it much easier to listen and believe the message preached. Where i have not been able to receive being in God's favour and righteousness in the past, it seems like now i can truly believe and flow with what i hear...

I feel that the reason is quite simple. Whereas i had a shallow revelation of grace in the past, God has revealed to me to some length what grace is. And no matter how shallow my understanding still is, i know that He has dropped it a bit more into my heart. And that's what really matters to me. I rejoice when problems and worries do come my way and i find it so much easier to say, "Lord, you take care of it. I can't, You can."


Right now i jus want deeper and deeper revelations that God loves me. His love is there. I just need my lightning fast mind to come into line with that thru realisation. I believe His love will cast out my fears, and make me a better man - as a son, friend, boyfriend, husband and father. I don wanna fear failing, don wanna fear the future. I gotta embrace it with grace and the knowledge that He is with and for me. His favour surrounds me. The old things have passed away, and i am made new. I am a new creation!

rest

got my internet connection today! and it's fast! compared to the 5 pple sharing 28.8kb i had in australia, 2000kbp is fast! finally i get my own access to the internet...

been in ground school lately... studying everything to do with flying helicopters. The more i learn about it, the more i am amazed that thing can actually fly. Recently had a visit to Sembawang AB too... spoke a little to our seniors and course commander there. At least we got a glimpse of the place and stuff...

been thinking a lot about my future recently. Stuff like how i would do in the coming course, what comes after that - how much overseas time i will get - and also stuff about settling down... Been attracted to this girl recently (take a bit of boldness to type this down). She first caught my eye a long time back. And when i return it seems the same... Jus cant seem to get near her though.. too shy... bleh. But i have also been reminded consistently to rest in His finished work. Though getting to know her seems gd to God, i feel like He wants me to stay off one for a while. Dunno how long, but i know that He is preparing me. Speaking to me a lot about this subject.

Anyway jus gotta rest. ok gotta study liao...

Without problems, what is faith?

I always wondered why I seem to be on a spiritual high when there is no stress. And I seem to be so affected when trying times come.

I see that it’s not about the lack of testing that gives us the ability to remain “spiritual”. Without problems, we don’t need faith. But it’s about God wanting us to be in a place where through our tribulations, testing or even daily work, our minds are so firmly fixed on the foundation of His love and saving grace that we are emotionally immune… where our belief system is so in line with God that our emotions come in line with it…

Note that people always preach about that place. The place in the Holy Spirit. Saying that if only people would go into that place. But people never say how to get into that place. You know why? Simply because there isn’t a how. We get into that place not by works, not even by how well we can keep our minds on Him. But simply by believing. Believing that God is for us, and He loves us, and has died for us.

Is believing so hard? Sometimes I think that I just cant believe it. Then my mind starts to think it is because I have no faith. But then I remember that God has given us a measure of faith. I think then that it must be a choice. We have to make that choice to believe God. We have to take the authority and stand. That conscious choice and decision to believe is ours to make.

There is therefore now no condemnation

Rom 6:18 Then being made free from sin, you became the slaves of righteousness.
Rom 6:19 I speak in the manner of men because of the weakness of your flesh; for as you have yielded your members as slaves to uncleanness, and to lawless act unto lawless act, even so now yield your members as slaves to righteousness unto holiness.
Rom 6:20 For when you were the slaves of sin, you were free from righteousness.
Rom 6:21 What fruit did you have then in those things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death.
Rom 6:22 But now, being made free from sin, and having become slaves to God, you have your fruit to holiness, and the end everlasting life.
Rom 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
↓
Rom 6:18 We have become slaves of righteousness! Slaves can’t shake away their status
of slavery. It is stuck on them!
Rom 6:19 Here, Paul is speaking to people who sin. Why do we know that? Because he
refers to them as weak in the flesh, yielding themselves as slaves to
uncleaness, lawless acts, asking them to yield their members as slaves to
righteousness unto holiness.
Rom 6:22 And now Christ has made us free from sin, we already have our fruit to
holiness! To everlasting life!
Why? Because it was the gift of God! Gifts are free! This gift is eternal life!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rom 7:1 Or are you ignorant, brothers; for I speak to those who know the Law; that the law has dominion over a man as long as he lives?
Rom 7:2 For the married woman was bound by law to the living husband. But if the husband is dead, she is set free from the law of her husband.
Rom 7:3 So then if, while her husband lives, she is married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress. But if the husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is no adulteress by becoming another man's wife.
Rom 7:4 So, my brothers, you also have become dead to the law by the body of Christ so that you should be married to Another, even to Him raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit to God.
Rom 7:5 For when we were in the flesh, the passions of sin worked in our members through the law to bring forth fruit to death.
Rom 7:6 But now we having been set free from the Law, having died to that in which we were held, so that we serve in newness of spirit and not in oldness of the letter.
↓
Rom 7:2 Here the married woman is the church. And we and all were bound by His law. So, to free us from this law, our Husband had to die.
Rom 7:3 I see the marrying of another man here as disobedience to God. We marry other husbands like sins, lust, etc.
But if our Husband dies, we are no adulteress even when we become another man’s wife! Even if we sin!
Rom 7:4 And this is how Christ brought about our death to the law, by His body! So that we might be married to Another – the Risen Christ! Why? To sin? No!
Rom 7:5 To bring forth fruit to God! What is this fruit? Romans 6:22 says that it is fruit to holiness! Everlasting life!
Rom 7:6 And now we serve in newness/renewal of spirit, not oldness of the Law!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rom 7:7 What shall we say then? Is the law sin? Let it not be said! But I did not know sin except through the law. For also I did not know lust except the law said, You shall not lust.
Rom 7:8 But sin, taking occasion by the commandment, worked in me all kinds of lust. For apart from law sin was dead.
Rom 7:9 For I was alive without the law once. But when the commandment came, sin revived and I died.
Rom 7:10 And the commandment, which was to life, was found to be death to me.
Rom 7:11 For sin, taking occasion by the commandment, deceived me, and by it killed me.
Rom 7:12 So indeed the Law is holy, and the commandment is holy and just and good.
Rom 7:13 Then has that which is good become death to me? Let it not be! But sin, that it might appear to be sin, working death in me by that which is good; in order that sin might become exceedingly sinful by the commandment.
↓
Rom 7:7 Here goes on to answer what most people are thinking right now – so you can sin all you like and still go to heaven/not be called adulteress/attain the fruit of God?! What shall we say then?
From what’s written, it’s quite self explanatory. The Law was not sin, but it gave the knowledge of what was right and wrong, like the apple adam ate. That sin took advantage of the Law which is holy and good.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rom 7:14 For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin.
Rom 7:15 For that which I do, I know not. For what I desire, that I do not do; but what I hate, that I do.
Rom 7:16 If then I do that which I do not desire, I consent to the law that it is good.
Rom 7:17 But now it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwells in me.
Rom 7:18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) dwells no good thing. For to will is present with me, but how to perform that which is good I do not find.
Rom 7:19 For I do not do the good that I desire; but the evil which I do not will, that I do.
Rom 7:20 But if I do what I do not desire, it is no more I working it out, but sin dwelling in me.
Rom 7:21 I find then a law: when I will to do the right, evil is present with me.
Rom 7:22 For I delight in the Law of God according to the inward man;
Rom 7:23 but I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin being in my members.
Rom 7:24 O wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from the body of this death?
Rom 7:25 I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then with the mind I myself serve the Law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.
↓
Rom 7:14 For the Law is spiritual, but it is our flesh and nature that is carnal, that even when in our inner man, our spirit, we do not wish to sin against God, but sin has always dwelled within us! Remember we were born sinners for this reason. Through the knowledge of good and evil, sin was born in us!
Rom 7:20 And though we will to do good, we do evil, the workings of this sin dwelling within us!

Rom 7:25 Who shall deliver us then? Save us from our own bodies? Jesus Christ!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rom 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.
Rom 8:2 But the Law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.
Rom 8:3 For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh;
Rom 8:4 so that the righteousness of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.
↓
Finally the conclusion? There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit!

We that believe in Jesus are no longer condemned! And how do we walk in the Spirit? There is no how! It is our inheritance! We are in Christ Jesus, and we walk in the Spirit!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Zion Praise Harvest

Today I went to a new church. On the invite of my friend, I decided to go there which my friend described as “quite happening”. Well, since he said it was charismatic and “quite happening” sounds like what someone would describe my church, I decided to go.
Along the way, self-conscious me was struggling against going to this place. What if this place was like the church I ran away from afraid in the past? What if I got spooked again? Knowing how enthusiastic and spiritual charismatic churches can be…

But I remembered the journey Christ took me through, even through that church which I ran from, refused to answer calls to… And reminded myself that I was going to church to meet God, not anyone or anything else. Wasn’t going to be anti social, just wanted to be clear that I did not have to live to people’s expectations…

Got there slightly late, and worshipped had already started in this auditorium (in a Poly/Uni-like complex). People were so eager to shake our hands it reminded me of NCC. And then we got to our seats. And the next song began. As it begun, it brought a smile to my face, hearing a song I knew, and seeing the people worship God like it was campus! My friend’s friend immediately remarked to him that she could see I was so happy! Haha…

Worship was amazing for me. Knowing the songs definitely didn’t harm either.. and the atmosphere, and I could just feel the Spirit. Today I worshipped like I have not for months! Not even in Riverview.. I found myself singing at the top of my voice (off key it might have been) and it was like I was in campus all over again!

After service, my friend started asking me about what the differences were between roman catholics and Christians. He was a Catholic. So I offered my explanations and whatever little I knew. He seems to receive quite well. I believe he will eventually believe right. Maybe he would agree to go to New Cre when he returns to Singapore..

Then we had lunch, with some other members, and they were also in cgs. One guy remarked about how he liked it in New Cre. Saying it was different, like it had something more… and how he missed it.. he stays in Perth. God! I miss New Cre so much I cant wait to go back. Anyway, I cant wait to go back to Zion Praise Harvest as well!

Two Voices

I always hear two voices. Both claiming to be the truth. One bases its foundation on the Word. What people call the Bible. And my fellow Christians call it the Word of God. Some say its Jesus. Some say it lives. Others say it’s the Holy Spirit. And even some say it’s peace. In this book are the promises of God, who claims to be Love. Who says He is faithful and always with me, loving me, showing me His grace and waiting for the time I join Him in Heaven.

When I follow this voice, it promises supernatural peace, grace and blessings. And the joy it brings. But in the circumstances, this voice seems so hard to believe, so hard to follow. Yet there’s always a part of me, or inside me that is gentle, and keeps on saying, ”This is the truth. Believe it.”

The other voice. It’s louder than the other. And in most times when there are hard times, this voice fights to be even louder. It likes to follow the things the eyes see, and the things the body feels. It promises self satisfaction, a type of joy that comes from myself. Created by myself, in a world of myself. It also keeps repeating “me, me, me, me”. Everything centers around self. Then there’s the what ifs, and the if onlys. This voice likes to use the science of the world too, staking its own claim to be the truth.

When I follow this voice, it promises joy too. Self satisfaction. It’s in a way easier to follow. Just act naturally, the way the body wants to. And to follow this voice, I’ll have to ignore the other. But in the process, even if I follow this route only mid way, every part of me just wants to erupt. Just wants to rebel. From the inside, I suddenly hear one voice and cry only. It says, “God, save me!”

So this is the path. That in this life, I have to choose one voice to follow. And one will grow stronger. The other one, will eventually die. Lord, help me. I wanna hear Your voice and Yours only. And when I hear it Lord, give me the grace, strength, power and courage to follow it and follow through. Open my ears Lord.

Part 2

This blog's titled part 2 cos it's the 2nd for tonight, and it's about an event called Part 2.

Got a lot to reflect about my time here. I know myself. I have thought some bad thoughts. done some bad things. And not been near a faithful servant at all.. Yet every disappointment with myself is only self righteousness. And God know He has bestowed upon me such grace and mercy. In a time of self perceived darkness, He has brought me up, and embraced me, used me.

Saturday night was our Basic Handling Test Dinner. Meant to commemorate our successful passing the BHT. THe final exam before we leave here. Though technically we have not even taken it, but it has to be arranged as a course. And after the dinner, there was the unofficial Part 2. And we proceeded to this strip club. Having nowhere else to go, and no driving license, and being part of the course, i had to go.

Well, one by one my coursemates were sat down below the stage upon which the girls danced. And they got their lap dances one by one. Me? i sat down initially. But found myself walkin away soon after. So i stood at the back watching. I didnt want to seem self righteous, nor did i want to spoil the mood, but i found myself strangely submitted to God. It even reached a point where one of my course mates started shouting my name. And my course mates all followed that up! i gripped a table with an iron grip and simply refused to go. And some instructors kinda looked at me "one kind".

I had been listening to this CD about evangelism. Lost people were everywhere. We didnt have to look for them, cos they were everywhere! And evangelism was something as simple as a mention of God, of Jesus. It was still a seed sowned! And for months, when i have been nowhere near a testimony for Him, amidst the pressures to behave in a "Christian" manner. But here because of this strip club, God was going to use me four times in 2 nights.

One instructor started talking to me. And i began a little slowly, questioning in my mind if i was really going to start talkin about Him to this instructor. Somethin i have not done in months. Then i remembered the CD, and began sharing my thoughts and beliefs. I was sharing about Christ in a strip club! It came to a point where he had no answers to me. And i believe that moment will serve to be a seed sown. Then came the next instructor. About 40-50 years of age maybe? But i saw a lack of wisdom. God's wisdom. And to him too i mentioned God. Saying i saw no reason to be "with the flow". Then came another instructor, and the same mention. Finally, whilst we were driving back to base the following night, my coursemate started talking about his gf being a christian and stuff. And he asked me if i really could hear Him! That started me sharing again.

Looking back i think He wants to show me that of my efforts i could and would end up nowhere. But only through Him. I am desperate for Him. I need to be even more.

Here's somethin to share. David therefore pleaded with God for the child, and David fasted and went in and lay all night on the ground. So the elders of his house arose and went to him, to raise him up from the ground. But he would not, nor did he eat food with them. Then on the seventh day it came to pass that the child died. And the servants od David were afraid to tell him that the child was dead. For they said, "Indeed, while the child was alive we spoke to him, and he would not heed our voice. How can we tell him that the child is dead? He may do some harm!" When David saw that his servants were whispering, David perceived that the child was dead. Therefore David said to his servants, "Is this child dead?" and they said, "He is dead."
So David arose from the ground, washed and anointed himself, and changed his clothes; and he went into the house of the Lord and WORSHIPED. Then he went to his own house; and when he requested, they set food before him, and he ate... ..."Who can tell whether the Lord will be gracious to me, that the child may live?"

That is grace. Even when the child died, David wasnt disappointed, wasn't mourning. He worshiped! He ate! Because he had a revelation of what grace is! That he did not deserve it. But totally relied on the Lord's mercy. How many times have i been disappointed and sad?

apaches?

Looks like it's more or less confirmed.. i should be going to helis.. Well according to the instructors, it's not so much about my flying. My course commander says that my flying might be even better than my coursemates, but my scores just dont reflect it. And they cant justify sending me to fighters with my kind of scores. It gives me pain though that scores are sometimes instructor dependent.. Another instructor told me that after my close form sorties, some instructors kinda tagged me with the label "black knight". I guess i wont be going there though... He also told me that heli flying (he was a heli pilot) should be a walk in the park for me.. haha.. And they are sending me in the hope that i can make it to apaches... He said this to me: that if i had went to fighters, he knew i would be 'shit hot' but, which type of lifestyle would i enjoy more?

There's the disappointment of not being able to go fly fighters... somethin i looked to as a kid. But perhaps my experience here has led me to feel that this is more than just about a dream coming true. But what's best for me. Somehow when i got the news that i was going to helis, i felt more relieved than disappointed. And i think it stemmed from the fact that deep inside i knew i wouldn't enjoy a fighter lifestyle. Certainly one reason why they didnt send me there has to be my personality. Where fighter pilots tend to be more extroverted, aggressive and individualistic. My former instructor (now left the air force) actually called the squadron looking for me and talked to me a little, saying that he had wished i was going to helis. Cos he had seen many people go to fighter squadrons and change drastically. With the things i have seen here, i think it must be true... i can only say that going to places they enjoy isnt healthy at all.. Esp for my spiritual life.

They gonna plan the fighter guys to finish by 15 of this month. And the rest of us should go back latest by national day. I think maybe a week earlier than that. i got about 20+ sorties left in my syllabus. Looking forward to going back home. And spending the next 9 months in sweet Singapore! Cos my rotary training should be in sembawang... Family, church, char kway teow, satay, friends, maybe a driving license, here i come! (no order in priority.. hehe)

Gg home!

Streaming for my course has just ended... And choices have already been made about who are to go to fighters, helis or transport. But the results werent given to us. Not sure if i am going to be posted to fighters or helis... Guess i would be disappointed if i dun make it to fighters, but even if it were so, i got to remind myself that God would have my best interests at heart.

Seems so near to going home, and at the same time, it seems so far away cos of the flights that we still have to complete... Approaching the winter season, the weather gets showery and cold, at times leaving us grounded. Got about slightly less than 30 sorties to go i think. and even given a month, that would amount to a whopping 7 sorties a week. Packed a little of my obsolete stuff today... Think i gonna have an overloaded luggage gg back home!

Night flying's begun too.. Tmr, i gotta fly a navigation sortie in the afternoon, then do a night one.. If the weather stands. Anyway, i just cant wait to get home!

36 Pieces

What an embarassing experience yesterday... we went to this japanese restaurant to get some food to buy back to base. I looked at the menu, and selected my choice.. a meal, and an extra pack of sushi that my friend told me included 6 pieces. So i ordered 2 eel, 2 crab and 2 salmons. Here comes the interesting part.. my fren had mentioned that he was short on cash and so i thought i would just buy a pack of 6 sushi pieces for him...

There was this japanese girl serving us when the orders were ready. Well, i gotta say that she was quite attractive. But that's besides the point. haha... we had this pagers you see, which rang upon activation when the order was ready. Well, i thought, since i was within sight, surely i didnt need it to ring to go get my food? And when this girl had packed a plastic bag of food, i thought that it was mine... cos she did look at me and her body language indicated (or at least i thought) so. So i went up before waiting for the device at all...

As i was taking the pack, i was thinking to myself "how come so many packages?" but dismissed it as i thought they would pack each individual ingredient in a pack. However, as i was walking out of the shop with my friends, she came running after from behind and apologised, saying that the food wasnt mine... "Oh it isnt?"i said.. haha... well that was embarassing for us both right? there's more...

i went back to the counter to get my food and this time i took a single plastic bag she handed to me. So without checking the contents, i went off with my friends. A minute later when i was in the car, i checked the contents and saw about three boxes of 36 pieces of sushi and realised i must have gotten the wrong pack again! so i went back again!

Another lady there was like "oh there he is" and told me that i had forgotten to take my other bag as well! "The other bag?" i thought to myself. So i asked,"you mean this one (the one with 36 sushis in it) is mine as well?" and the reply was yes. My next question,"how come so many?"
The first girl then replied,"but you ordered that many.." It was then that it dawned upon me that when i ordered 2 eel, 2 crabs and 2 salmons, it translated to 2 boxes of 6 eel sushi, 2 boxes of 6 pcs of crab and 2 boxes of salmons. I had effectively bought 36 sushi pieces!

i smiled back nodding in understanding and said "i see, thanks"... Urrgghh!
Well, i ended up sharing those 36 pieces within four of us. At least i think they'll recognise me next time i go there! haha...

rainbows

well, i wrote a whole lot actually, but somehow i lost the stuff i wrote so i kinda gonna cut this short...
11 of us left in the course, 9 of us going to be accelerated in flyin as these 9 have been shortlisted as possible fighter course candidates... So despite the recent bad weather, due to the winter season, they have pushed us to fly anyway... but it's safe so no worries...

Just a few days ago, during my flights, i have been seeing lots of rainbows... And once while on the way to squadron, i even saw 4 rainbows in the sky! Reminds me of God and His covenant promises, forgiveness...

Been flying formations recently, and apparently the instructors think i am good at it.. Sometimes i feel proud about it, even want to boast. Then i remember that it is by God's grace that i can do what i do...

To mum, i love you. Sorry if i have been rude , just been quite impatient recently. To sis, dont think of the problems. Focus on His grace and love for you. As you receive His love, He will give you the desire, overflow and strength to go to church, read the bible, etc. So simply receive His grace ok. To dad, thanks for your love and the trouble you take.. especially for my name tag, socks, etc...

Your grace, more than enough for Lincoln Joshua

just moved into a new module recently... formation stuff... my first time trying to formate on another a/c was exciting and fun! Initially it was a little challenging, but it seems formation flying is a bit like the life we are supposed to lead. I have to consciously force myself to relax and not tense up in order to formate well. When we get tensed and grip the controls too hard, we lose the "feel"of the aircraft and tend to be unable impute minute forces into the controls. When we input too heavily, we tend to induce our own oscillations...

The Boss spoke to us recently. It seems we might be accelerated. Especially those selected for fighters. Then rush back Spore, finish ground school, then rush off to maybe France again.. Reach there, rush to finish e syllabus earlier again! Why is my course always rushed?! haha.. bad thing is, very pressured lei, the pace of flyin, etc. Also, wont get to relax for a while in Spore.. Good thing is, maybe as early as March can get wings liao...
But i think i gotta learn to say 'Lord, i trust in You. My future is in Your hands, and it is blessed!'

To dad, i understand your concern regardin my name. I really rather not have all this trouble but i am trying to get it settled anyway. So just leave everything to me ok. No, leave everything to God. Perhaps i need to say that our family names have all been changed to Christ's.

Well, long weekend this week with a holiday on monday. But i have to get some maps drawn and stuff like that... but v thankful for the monday! haha...

Everyday, i see myself and my weaknesses. I see my reactions, my selfishness, folishness. But what Jesus wants me to do is not look at them but focus on Him, knowing that i have been forgiven. I am human, and my weakness wil become His strength.
For my selfishness, His grace is sufficient for all my needs. He is my Provider. Worry not, and He will feed me, clothe me.
For my foolishness, greater is He that lives in me, than He who is in the world. And He has become my wisdom. And He will lead me in the paths that i take, making them straight, lifting my feet, lest i stumble over stones.
For the times when i judge, He has forgiven me. And by His cross He has judged me and the world. That now, what i really need to know, is that His love and compassion reaches out to the world. Jus like He reached out to me when i was lost and unworthy, He is reaching out, even to the people i dislike. Love, You live in me. Change me.

Point of Grace

Today in the mess, i talked to a Christian brother... He seemed to be in some kind of fix, saying he cant bring himself to believe God, that everytime it comes to some Christian thing, he just rejects it... saying he rejects God's will so and so on... He worried that he had fought off His will so much he was unacceptable to God anymore... He wasnt sure how far eternal salvation would last... nor to believe God or the devil...

so i told him about grace, about God. About the Christian life being simply one thing... receiving His grace. That receiving involved just opening one's hand. No stretching out, no taking. But simply resting. That some of his misconceptions came as a result of insufficient knowledge of God. About His will, love and grace. That at the point of his salvation, he was as a sheep. And even if he gets lost, Jesus, the gate and shepherd, would rejoice more over finding him than the 99.

I was amazed at the words coming out of my mouth, and with the confidence i spoke with. I found myself speaking life into myself. Everything i had been reading, listening to and even questioning had at that point come out of my mouth as one perfect sense.

If i offered him a 100 bucks for him to receive at any time of his liking in an account in which he had the card and pin. He might reject it the 1st, 2nd, 3rd day, week, month, year. But 20 yrs down the road when 100 bucks lie the difference between freedom and bankruptcy, he would still take and use it. In the same way, God's grace is always there, at any time and place, waiting for us to receive it!

I could even make sense of a sermon of PP's near admission into a mental institution in the past. I refered him to saul, who out of zeal persecuted and murdered the children of God, but when he believed unto Jesus, God saw him a new man - Paul, in Christ. Who God used to move mightily in His kingdom. And surely he could do no worse than Paul had.

He said i was so holy. Yet i remembered Jesus asking why they called him good. Becos only God was good. He was God! And i told him i was not holy, nor good. For if i were to state out my sins daily before him, he would be shocked. But that He has led me to a point of grace. A stage of realisation of what grace is, and just one of many ahead. That what He shown and did with me, He could do the same for him.

Christian life isnt about what we can do or how well we can do things. Not even how moral we are. It has one mission, role and responsibility - to receive from God His grace. Knowing nothing, doing nothing and deserving nothing, we simply believed unto salvation. Suddenly after our salvation, becos of this new nature given to us, we form little laws in our minds about how we mus live our lives. And work ourselves beyond exhaustion to get to a place we could never have reached anyway...

But it is an onward and upward receiving of grace. Stumbling or not, still perfect in His will and plan. Our final destination is still the Promised Land. Becos we believed God, believed Jesus. Everyday i am learning His grace. And how wonderful and beautiful it is! Lord the revelation is amazing. Let it burst forth! I wanna see and reach your point of grace.

Eph 2:4 But God, who is rich in mercy, for His great love with which He loved us (even when we were dead in sins) has made us alive together with Christ (by grace you are saved), and has raised us up together and made us sit together in the heavenlies in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us through Christ Jesus. For by grace you are saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

Father, give me Grace

Been reading a book by Joyce Meyer about the Grace of God. Same book i bought for my instructor as a traditional gift we give to those who sent us solo.

It says that Grace is not only unmerited favour, it is also the power of God available to meet our needs. And that it is received by believing rather than through human effort. Blessings cannot be bought by faith, but only received.
It speaks also of frustration. That when we get frustrated it is because we are trying to achieve something by our self efforts. But to receive from God, i need to humble myself, ask and trust God that He knows the situation i am in, and will deliver me. To be still and know that He is God, and that He knows what's best for me in every situation. Worrying is a form of fleshly work, trying to figure out how to save myself than trusting in Him for deliverance.
Just as perfect love casts out fear, so God's grace expels all traces of anxiety.
It seems to me that love and grace are so intertwined, as is fear and anxiety. I pray that i will be able to repent, humble myself, and truly live in the grace of God. My future and identity is in Christ!

Recently, some complications about my surname cropped up. Apparently, my employer doesn't have my records as Chua but only as Cai. Hmm.. Even got a pink slip (discipline thing) because of not changing my name on the flying boards given time.. Well, my name went from the initials Chua L to Cai L. Actually, Cail sounds pretty cool... haha...

One of my friends in the new junior course talked to me today, asking my opinion of Calvanism? Somethin like new doctrines or somethin... Well i shared my part and trust that God really spoke through me to him. I hope he can get sermon cds from NCC soon... I think he needs it some...

To end, i just wanna remind myself now and whenever i read this, that Grace is to be received, not earned. And that whenever i get frustrated, i can just say "Father, give me grace."

Embrace

Feel that i'm in the midst of change... i cant explain it, but i just know it on the inside. And i realise i hold a different thought process from before. It seems like i dont fear flying as much as before. And i do enjoy this state of mind. I pray to God it's not my imagination but a real and permanent change by Him.

Surely the recent spate of conversations and daily devotionals i have read, are not coincidental in subject. They speak of embracing what i have, living in joy and rejoicing in the Lord. And also living a worryless life in Christ. Playing out our responsibilities, but leaving the outcome in the hands of Christ.

Well i am flying tmr.. with an instructor i don particularly like.. hmm.. but i thank God He has given me the victory.

God's way.

Looks like i only have 5 min to write this blog... hmm.. where to start...

Have not been doing well recently in flying. I think it's cos if my long lay off when i went back to Singapore. When i came back to Aus, it seemed like my instrument flying was worse then when it first started. Got quite distressed when my sorties didnt turn out good. Today i tried to fly one particular sortie again.

Something different about today's flight though... Everytime i stepped out onto the apron, and everytime i breathed the words "Thank you Jesus", i somehow didnt feel the peace. But today, i looked to the sky and said, "Lord, i trust in You. Thank you Jesus.", it was like a peace gripped me from within. And when i looked at my aircraft, it was like a turn back through time to my Youth Flying Club days. When i actually felt excited about flying. When i actually enjoyed it. It was a special thing that had been missing since i came here. I pray that today would just be the beginning of many days when i would look at the day ahead get excited about it, if this is truly where God wants me to be.

Another new course came in today, and in a week or two, my course would be the senior course... Months ago i never thought of this... Met Weiming too, from my church. I told him the same things i told other brothers who came to me, that the only thing i knew was that God's way wasnt quitting, and that we needed to trust Him that if this is where He wants us, He would give us the grace to fly. And if He wanted us out of here, He would open the way too...

Well i think i better go rest soon.
Thank you Lord. I believe You are my Lord and Saviour. You are my God, and i am your child. A child of God, that's what i am.
I am the righteousness of God in Christ. And i will always praise your name!

By Smith Wigglesworth...

People get a wrong idea of mourning. In Switzerland, they have set apart to take wreaths to graves. I questioned the people’s ignorance and said, “Why are you spending time around graves? The people you love are not there. All that taking of flowers to the graves is not faith at all. Those who died in Christ are gone to be with Him, ‘which’, Paul said, ‘is for better’ (Phil 1:23).”

My wife once said to me, “Watch me when I’m preaching. I get so near heaven when I’m preaching that some day I’ll be off.” One night she was preaching, and when she had finished, off she went. I was going to Glasgow and had said goodbye to her before she went to the meeting. As I was leaving the house, the doctor and policeman met me at the door and told me that she had fallen dead at the church floor. I knew she had gotten what she wanted. I could not weep, but I was in tongues, praising the Lord. Humanly, she was everything to me; but I could not mourn on natural lines, and I just laughed in the Spirit. The house was soon filled with people. The doctor said, “She was dead, and we can do no more for her.” I went up to her lifeless corpse and commanded death to give her up, and she came back to me for a moment. Then God said to me, “She is Mine; her work is done.” I knew what He meant.

They laid her in the coffin, and I brought my sons and my daughter into the room and said, “is she there?” They said, “No, Father.” I said, “We will cover her up.” If you go mourning the loss of loved ones who have gone to be with Christ – I say this to you out of love – you have never had the revelation of what Paul spoke when he showed us that it is better to go than to stay. (See 2 Cor 5:8) We read this in Scripture, but the trouble is that people will not believe it. When you believe God, you will say, “Whatever it is, it is all right. If You want to take the one I love, it is all right, Lord.”

But the mourning that Jesus spoke of in Matthew 5 is a mourning in the Spirit. God will bring you to a place where things must be changed, and there is a mourning, an unutterable groaning until God comes. Jesus mourned over Jerusalem. He saw the conditions; He saw the unbelief; He saw the end of those who closed their ears to the Gospel. But God gave a promise that He would see “the labor of His soul, and be satisfied” (Isa 53:11) and that He would “see His seed” (v10).

What happened on the day of Pentecost in Jerusalem was a promise of what would be the results of His Travail, to be multiplied a billionfold all down the ages in all the world. And as we enter in the Spirit into travail over conditions that are wrong, such mourning will always bring results for God, and our joy will be complete in the satisfaction that is thereby brought to Christ.

But For a Moment

Seems a long time since i last posted.. Come to think of it, i really dont know where to begin.

i hope everything's fine back home. To my dad, i pray for you, grandpa and grandma. If grandma is gg back to the Lord, there is consolation in that she is going to a better place. And we'll meet her there sometime. Help me tell grandpa i pray for him too ok. And not to be too sad.

To mum, i love you heaps. May not be good at it. But it comes from my heart. How's ah ma? Does she still ask about me? And sis too? Rest yourself well ok.

Have not been to church for like a month now... i really miss that congregational worship atmosphere. That special presence of the Lord i have gotten so used to in times past. Still He speaks, mainly through His Word, but He speaks.

Sometimes, He reminds me of the promised land, sometimes of His real interventions, and sometimes of the place that He wants to bring me too. Many times, He reminds me of His grace, His love, His forgiveness. For those beloved church friends of mine, dont ever let yourself get used to the sermons preached ok. They may even sound the same, but if you listen everyday to the same preaching, it can be new every morning...

John spoke a word to me recently. "hey lincoln, i got a word for you.. 2nd Cor 4:17.. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory." And b4 i knew it, i read the same verse in Kenneth Copeland's daily devotional website.

Sometimes I have this picture. That everytime I sin, God ‘wonders’ just where His beloved son is. Though He is always watching over me. Because for that moment, He simply refuses to see my sin. And it hurts Him, like a father when he realizes his son is lost from his sight.

Yet, I know, that whenever I sin, it’s because of this earthly and worldly nature. I seek the day when He brings me into such a deep revelation and saturation of His Spirit, that my very nature and desire become holy and Christ like.

And until that day comes, I must take every tribulation and every experience like a movement of His hand. The Potter’s hand that once shaped my birth, is again shaping me in my new birth.

He loves me. So deeply and truly, a love for a creation that is nothing of the word worthy. Yet He showers me with unfailing love, eternal grace and wondrous life. So awesome Is Your love!

Lord Jesus, thank you.

Emergency!

Today i had a good and eventful time flying. I went on my first solo that involved flying out into the training area instead of simply at the airfield area that we usually do. It really is quite challenging for a first timer, with questions like "what if i get lost?" and "what if i get an emergency in the area?". Furthermore, this sortie involves aerobatics in which we have so little experience in. But i remembered my QFI once saying this, that if he cleared a student for somethin, he doesn't like the student to feel afraid of doin it as the QFI has shown his confidence in the student.

Well the day really started badly. I was like totally reprimanded for the flight that i had failed on Tuesday. He mentioned Jewish kids of 13 yrs of age being declared grown ups and making decisions for themselves. And i definitely have to learn how to "be a man". Especially in this career, in which i have to protect my country with multimillion dollar equipment.

His approach to the check flight today was surprisingly kind. He usually just rails at me you see. Today he was really patiently teaching me. And before i knew it, he was sending me solo.

Walking out to the aircraft, strapping in, and starting the jet, i was fighting to keep myself calm. My nerves settled soon though, and i was in the air before i knew it. In the areas, i practised a series of exercises. Some i have actually felt afraid doing with a QFI, much less on my own! Haha... Developments began to be awry however as a caution tone sounded as i was pulling through a Loop like manueovre.

Continuing the sortie with the aproval of the QFI, i then experienced caution lights and tones as i put the aircraft through a 4 point roll. Uh oh. Making an urgency call, i recovered back to base quickly and uneventfully. Upon touch down however, there were like two fire trucks waiting for me! And they chased me all the way to the end of the runway! One even stopped directly in front of me in case i had to shut down. But i taxied back uneventfully.

I must say that two sorties in a day full of aerobatics is really tiring! Never felt so tired before man. But hey, at least i aint feeling sick from aeros anymore!

laugh at me!

pitch.. pitch.. pitch.. roll.. let the nose come down, pick a reference point on the ground, check it there! roll, check! watch the speed, wings level ball centre... 245 knots, pull now! Pull 4Gs in 2 secs...

Sorry if i describe it a little like a Tom Clancy war novel... i have jus finished reading one.. haha... Those were the words of an instructor taking me through my first aerobatics sequence... It's a new phase i jus got into... It's exciting, but towards the end of both aero flights i have had, i have not felt too good physically, requiring the instructor to fly us back. I hope i'll get use to it soon enough...

It's amazing how God speaks to me. To remind me of His love, His presence, and that no matter what happens, with Him things will always turn out fine... And He speaks, telling me to focus on His love for me. Not my sins, not my inadequacy, and not my circumstances. My heart races everytime i hear Him on the inside.

Well here's another interesting experience i have had. I dont know how else to describe it but interesting. haha... i had gone to church last sunday, when a man approached me. I was waiting for my friends. Well he got down to talking to me and told me about how God came into His life when his life was in shambles, how he had come to an end of himself and now totally depended on God's love for him. It was pleasing to hear a testimony. He also said he had cancer of the throat. And i just felt moved enough to open my Bible to show him this verse... Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; Yet we esteem Him stricken, smitten by God and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed.
He immediately teared after that. Soon though, he started to talk non-stop, and i couldnt listen fully to the service at all. Intermittenly, he was disturbing me actually, seeming more interested to talk then to listen to he service. He was after all, going to attend the next service. On hindsight, it did not settle well within me, and i was still trying to be patient and polite!

Well, jus yesterday night, he sent me a sms asking how i was, how was my night and if i had a partner. My lightning fast mind refused to contemplate that possibility. His next sms though confirmed he was actually gay! Yikes! Calming myself down, i reminded myself that God still loves him. So i replied that i wasnt interested, and that God had made us man and woman specifically. And that i hoped that by His grace he would change.

Well he started challenging me to quote any part of the Bible that said being gay was wrong. i jumped straight to Genesis about Lot. And realising that my inadequate knowledge drew up a blank on any other scripture, i sent out a distress sms to my dad, Jayden and Josiah (Kelvin). God had actually laid it down as law that itwas wrong in Leviticus! Had to be careful about introducing law to him but i specifically told him that it's proof that it was not God's desire, and that was why Jesus died for us.

He started being defensive and claimed that i was implying he could not believe in God if he was gay. that i said that God didnt love him. He also said that he was made that way, and didnt fault me for liking girls! I quickly replied that i had not said so, but that God did love him, and he could believe in Him. On my dad's instructions i ended the sms with have a pleasant night with the intention to cutting short this sms conversation. He had to have the last say, and said that he would pray for me, and punctuated with the known fact that he knew God loved him though he was gay.

Haiz. I hope he lets the truth into his heart one day. But it's God's job anyway. Well Lord, you know, it really wouldnt hurt to be attractive and have many girls ask me for my number and how my night was... Haha... Go ahead, laugh at me!

dream...

Jus checked mail today... first time i see my niece smiling... haha... like so shy to be taken by the cam...

Well i felt like i had a good rest from the easter break... a real good opportunity to take my mind of work. And tmr work starts again. Hearing rumours that my course will be accelerated to finish by june. Doesnt sound good to me cos it would mean a more cramped flying schedule. I jus want to commit it to God's hands.

Had a dream last night. I vaguely remember it. I was laying my hand on a sick man. And commanding the sickness/evil spirit to leave him inthe name of Jesus. Hmm...
I find God can speak to me even now. Even when my heart is troubled He can, but of course i can hear Him better when i am still...

Lord i cast my cares upon you. I throw them to you. Into Your loving and compassionate hands i give my life to you. Help me to never pick it up.

wisdom

hmmm i have not updated my blog for so long... cos of time constraints and internet connection problems... well, i got to write sometime...

Today's service was great. A Messianic Jew was invited to speak. And he taught all about the Passover traditions and practices. And what they meant. A lot of what Pastor Prince talked about came up. Like the blood, the unleavened bread - Matzah, etc. We actually owe the holy communion to the way they take the bread! Thoughout the service, he beseeched us time and again to pray for the Jews. To pray for their salvation.

Today i managed to call back and talk to some family and friends. Sorry mum but you didnt pick. I also managed to hear my niece's voice for the first time. My heart melted! haha... Remembering that Zach's dad has accepted Christ has brought me so much joy as well. If Jesus can soften the heart of muslims, i'm sure He can do it for my family as well. Although i know that the devil will challenge Zach in this recent victory, i pray that He will lift him up and strengthen him against the enemy.

I want to pray for wisdom. Back to a time when the only thing i prayed for was wisdom. Cos i somehow knew that wisdom, God's wisdom, would bring faith, deliverance, patience, etc. I say this with reverence to the need of the Holy Spirit.

Really looking forward to the easter weekend. I hope this working week passes fast and well...

God and me.

No one but God knows better how much i wanted this career. It was even the reason why i worked so hard for my O levels, even the reason why i chose the course i took in poly... but now i jus am not so sure anymore. I have to look back and understand the reasons that led me to want this job. Was it the stature, prestige, money? Or expectations, fleshly desires or God given leading? If i stop now, would it be giving up? Or because i truly feel no joy whatsoever doing this anymore? Do these times have a fruit to harvest in the future?

I feel worse today than i have ever felt. Jus stuck between making a decision to continue or not. I've been taught not to look at the emotions, but i cant seem to. I think i have to make a decision soon. And be definite about it. But i want it to be God's decision. Because i will need His grace for it.

Some instructors here don't even like their jobs. Many want to move on into the commercial flying sector. Half my course has lost it's motivation too. Many times i tell Him that if i were to continue, He has to give me e grace for it. And i thank Him for the blessings He has placed, but i am quite stuck in an emotional crossroad. Tears of joy or pain, He catches every single drop.

Thanks mum and dad for the advice. And i know i have he support and love of many. I think whatever comes next needs to be between God and me.

Friday

Friday, I flew the first sortie I have ever failed since I got here. Well, I was the last one left without that distinguished record of having failed at least one sortie. I don’t know why but I was initially really relaxed about it. Bordering on joyful. So much so my friends were surprised and said that I did not look like someone who had just failed. Maybe it was because my flying for the week was over. And I was looking forward to the weekend, plus Monday was not a flying day. Maybe it was because of other reasons.

The instructor debriefed me and he was obviously severely displeased. He went on to say a few stuff about my mentality and problems. He expressed that he really did not want to fly with me anymore. He even finished the conversation saying it was beyond my capability. Think he was referring to military flying. He did make it clear that it was not flying ability that was the problem though. I left the debrief with the distinct feeling of being forced to make a decision as to whether to quit or not… I wonder if I am going home soon too…

Today we went out to enjoy ourselves. Especially for the two guys who would be leaving us. And they expressed a desire to go to the casino. So we did. We took 20 dollars from each one and went to play a wheel spinning game. Cos one of them had said that he observed the “cherry” appearing everytime the wheel was spun. We got so bored of betting the same amount on the same thing and we were still breaking even. So I suggested we jus had fun, take a portion each and place our bets on whichever each of us wanted. So we did.

When we did place our bets, it seemed we had found the best way and most effective way to win. Something made me go for the second hardest bet though. It had like a 1 in 25 or so chance but gave a return of 1 to 23. So I betted on the money train. The second time I did so, we won! We went from negative to like 75 bucks richer! Haha… I even won a second time betting on a difficult one, earning 11 times what I bet. We decided to get out the moment we lost. And so we did. Well, half our expensive dinner was paid for!

Anyway, mum and dad dun worry I aint addicted to gambling. So I wont be doing it on a regular basis. It was only for my friends leaving. Haha… Monday’s a rest day, so at least I got a bit more time for stuff this week. Wonder if I am gg home soon…

thanks

hmmm... Andrew failed his review sortie today, and he is going back to Singapore. But He is quite relieved actually. Joyful if i may. I guess we both knew he would go some day. Today when i heard the news, i felt so broken. And i broke in tears. Somethin i had not done in a long long time. I wonder how my life here will change.

If anything, he can definitely take stress and pressures better than me. Something i gotta learn too. And somethin i admire about him, is that he is always able to come out with that something extra to cheer a person or encourage him regardless of his own situation. Amazingly God i feel. And i want to learn these things too. I hope i remember him everytime i need the grace to react the right way.

Thanks mum and sis for the encouragement. The devil's been tempting me so badly these past weeks. Plus the fact that i have been flying at such a heavy rate, and the duties... I thank God that some course mates look up to me cos i have flown at uch a fast progress. And i hope i can be an encouragement to the junior course as well. New resposibilities i guess.

And to dad who constantly and never tires to remind me of His Word and promises, thanks. And i know His grace will come through for you in you times of testing too...

Thanks to the cg to send me the cd for my birthday. I really liked it and appreciate it.

My weaknesses

Andrew will be going on the first of two review flights tmr... He has to pass both to stay... We prayed together today. And i prayed for the peace of God to lead us. For us to have confidence in His love amidst all the turmoil. And to believe that through everything, His love is greater. I thanked God He gave me the love for him, and that no matter what happens, we would cross paths again in His mighty progression of work. He also thanked God for me, that i give him encouragement. I really do not know how, but it must be Him doing the work. I dont know how it'll be like if Andrew leaves. Who will go to church with me? Who wll share with me? Is this like in the past, where i lose my fellowship again? But God is in control.

In my weakness, He is made strong. I jus had a revelation recently. Everything i have came from Him. The ability to learn quickly, recognise aircraft attitudes, feel the aircraft, judge speed through peripheral vision - all good piloting traits. All these i have not because i earned them, for who can?! No one can convince me that these can be earned. It brings me closer to the reality that God gives to whom He gives and destines, and shows mercy and grace to whom He pleases. I cant earn my job myself.

I have been the fastest in progress in terms of sorties flown so far. It comes with it's own pressures. It's like walking in the front, blindly reaching out forward for myself and the course. And the flying pace is taxing too. Almost once every day. Just last week, i flew 5 in 3 days.
But i am counting on His grace. Surely His strength will bring me through, and into fruition of His desire and plan.

Hold me Lord.

Andrew didnt do so well for his flight today. And the instructor had a talk with him. When he had returned, i had thought all was well. So i was really taken aback when he started out in tears. And no one seemed to notice, till i asked him if he needed to talk. In the end, my course ic had a talk with him. My course seems to be crumbling apart. So many on the verge of failing.

Later when i asked him, he said he was just overwhelmed. Part of him wanted to go back home. Part of him didnt. Said it was fun on e weekends here. But i think there's things not being said. hmm...

If he left, i really think i would consider opting out. Again my fellowship seems to be leaving me. I simply do not know how much i want this any longer. Is it possible to ever live in this job in peace and joy? I believe in complete faith in God yes. But i know i would only contradict myself cos i know it is a decision to believe.

Well just got to let the days ahead form and see what happens i guess. God it is surely in Your hands. Hold me Lord.

Grace

His grace is sufficient for all my needs. More and more i can sense God trying to show me that. He's giving me a deeper revelation and knowledge of what grace is, and how it will change me. Sometimes it's quite amazing the number of times i must be disappointing Him. Then He shows me how amazing His grace is amidst my disappointment.

I want to enjoy the fruits of my labour. And I see that I can only do that by labouring unto His rest. In Him and to Him are all things. He is the beginning and the end. He is the Creator. He is my maker. My refiner, comforter, builder. The foundation in my spirit. And He is going to mold me. Give me strength and courage. Bring out the gold, silver and precious stones through me.

I was n His thoughts when He created the world. When He died. And even now. His love supersedes and transcends everything that is made.

Lord You are at the end of my road. The Hope that burns within me, through Your Holy Spirit. My very present help in need. I want living faith Lord. I want to be a raging, spreading fire, not a flame. But I commit it into Your hands Lord. Wholly use me. Bring out in me what Jesus is all about.

royalty

I am a winner. In Christ. Behold, He has overcome the world.

Greater is He who lives in me than he who is in the world.

I am a prince of God. Of royal bloodline and lineage.

His peace is already in me. And i will praise the Lord forever and ever. Amen.

loved

it's amazing to be touched by love. It feels great! And i am so touched by the love of my family. And i pray He will continually touch me with greater and greater revelations of His love!

Thanks dad, for everything you've done, and said for me. For your sacrifices. For your love.
Thanks mum, for the concern and care. For missing me, missing my presence whether to visit, or to watch movies. For your love.
Thanks sis, for your encouragement. For jus being there as my sister. For the reminders and sacrifices in your own right. For your love.

Thank you Lord, God, Friend. For placing me where i am, in this wonderful family. For your eternal sacrifice. For Your love. For You.

First Solo

The last time i flew solo was over 3 years ago in a prop plane flying at half the speed. My heart was beating faster with each passing moment. In truth, i had not prepared for this at all. Strapping into my G suit and life preserver unit, i was thanking God that He had blessed me for this. I was trying everything to calm the nerves. Signin out the aircraft myself for the first time, i proceeded to walk out to the aircraft on my own for the very first time.

Sitting in the front, it seemed like a deafening silence lookin back at the rear view mirror and not seeing the instructor - prompting, scolding, teaching. I knew i was physically on my own. Taxying out, it was nerve wrecking. And i could not wait to get airborne. It was like i knew that when i got up into the air, i would calm down.

Applyin maximum thrust, my aircraft sped down the runway like it did many times before. Only this time i was solo. As the aircraft lept off the ground, it was like i totally lost all feelings and jus flew the aircraft. I think it was the best conditions i ever flown in, in terms of winds and temperature. One of the best circuits i flown too.

Before i knew it, i had touched down. Relieved, but knowing that bringing this aircraft to a stop was one of the crucial moments. It behaved amazingly well though. And i only realized that i was full of adrenalin when i cleared the runway and brought the aircraft to a stop. It was like i had not felt that much excitement in a long time. Taxying back and shutting down, it was an experience that would linger long in my memory...

Psalm 63

A Psalm of David, when he was in the wilderness of Judah. O God, You are my God; I will seek You earnestly; my soul thirsts for You; my flesh longs for You, as in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is;
so I have seen You in the holy place, seeing Your power and Your glory.
Because Your loving-kindness is better than life, my lips shall praise You.
So I will bless You while I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name.
My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness; and my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips,
when I remember You on my bed and think of You in the night watches.
Because You have been my help, therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice.
My soul follows hard after You; Your right hand upholds me.
But those who seek my soul, to destroy it, shall go into the depths of the earth.
They shall fall by the sword; they shall be a serving for jackals.
But the king shall rejoice in God; everyone who swears by Him shall glory; but the mouth of those who speak lies shall be stopped.

phew...

what an eventful week... fri, i had to fly two sorties in e same day, to and fro from a new airfield. As it was our first time operating from this airfield, we had to learn e new radio and flying procedures to get there. That was in addition to the flying syllabus itself... I was quite a nervous wreck, cos i guess i knew i wasnt adequately prepared for one let alone both sorties...

The fact that i was on an early morning take off and that the air traffic authority was not opened for work yet didnt help. To make things worse, i had failed to pull up a knob during my prestart checks. That led to me being unable to hear the radio transmissions. We had to stop at a waiting bay for a while to rectify the problem... That done, i continued with the flight. All the unexpected changes and events led me to be in a "lagging" state, somethin like your mind trying to catch up with the situation that was going too fast...

Again, on takeoff, i made a big mistake, failing to ask e instructor for permission before commencing my take off roll. That mistake itself i think is large enough to fail me for that sortie. However, as i was climbing past 1600ft, my instruments failed! haha... i notified the instructor and he took the opportunity to return to base. He later told me that if i had continued the sortie, he predicted that i was going to fail, therefore he terminated the sortie. So really, it must have been God to fail my instruments! haha...

I took off the same day for a later sortie in a much calmer situation and passed it. Didnt get to learn any cooking though - we have to cook at the new airfield for ourselves and instructors - as i didnt make it there in the early morning. Looking back, i think there are a few lessons for me. One was that i got to learn to relax and i guess He will teach me to trust Him more and more. I think that my training here would serve some purpose to help me to be objective and composed about unexpected developments too...

Flying two sorties on monday too... Going to church tmr. I pray He will multiply the time i need. And by His grace i will make it through with favour. Probably flying my first solo this week. Got to clear my next three sorties and requirements first. Did i mention my instructor was reading a book by Joyce Meyer? haha... One day before either of us leaves this place, i must talk to him.

Before i wrote this, i was listening to a Christian radio station. It was advertising when it broadcasted "fire!"... and the actual alarm went off! haha... Fire engines came and they sweeped our bunks... False alarm...

flyin tmr...

flying begins tmr, as e old familiar feelin creeps in... to be real, it feels like fear. It makes me wonder how i can embrace a day ahead. The constant yelling from e instructor, the demands of the day to day duties, procedures, the aircraft, environment, etc. But i find i have to keep reminding myself not to pick it up, but to submit it into His hands. That He is willing, and He is able.

Pressure also has a way of showing up e cracks in character, in the human flesh. Sometimes forget the righteous identity of Christ i have. And i know i forgot because of the way i react. Is this really the road i want to take? Cos it is a tough road. Yet i read that trials are a reason to rejoice, because God won't test one beyond what one can handle. I read that trials are for my good. It's jus a pain getting there.

I'm not sure why i am thinking all these thoughts. Is it my character that causes me to, or is it really because of the circumstances. Only He knows. I think this week or so is going to be tough, cos of the duties, the new airfield, etc etc. And maybe it will reveal more to me. Reveal the path i want to take.