back in Spore.

been back for 3 days now.. jus got back from the movie Phantom of the Opera.. well it requires jus a little patience, plus esp if you the type that likes musicals, then it's a good show. Quite romantic too..

reflecting back on my time in perth, and lookin forward to it again, i must say i aint very enthusiastic about it.. i read that trials will come. that they can only make us stronger, correct us, build us, change us. but in truth, the journey hurts. I read that those who are wise love correction, then i think i must be a fool. i read and hear about the life, the overflowing cup, the peace and joy.. but now i neither see nor taste it. i wish i were like elijah, hearing the sound of rain in the distace. yet can i be like david, singing psalms of expressions, crying out to God, proclaiming His goodness or questioning His inaction?

This i know in my heart. This i know above all things. That He is the Truth the Way and the Life. I cannot deny Him. Even questioning Him about my present suffering seems so wrong in my spirit. What are the trials i am gg thru compared to His suffering? Really i have not been a testimony of God during the past two months. Doubting, worrying, unable to love people who dont love me, displaying everything a Christian is not. Unvictorious. but that is all my judgement of myself isnt it? Judgement that has been poured out on His Son. and what can i help myself to change, but only to let it go.

Letting go sounds so simple, but i find it really so difficult. like labouring unto His rest. The hard part is indeed resting. but stil i must learn, and apply. I take whatever scrap falls off the table, so thirsty, so hungry. Man shall not live by bread alone. but by every Word of God. every bitter thing has become sweet. Lord, where is my measure of faith? Why cannot i bring it to bear?

But this is left of me, but to never let go of You. Never forget You. And to never quit. but that if this is not the path You want me to take, then let You be who You are. And fail me now, to succeed me in the future.

He loveS me.

phew! Now's dinner time, so have a little bit of time to relax. I tell you, when my progress check flight began today, i thought i was done for. Everything that could go wrong, went wrong! The weather was bad, i was assigned an airflied i had never flown, etc... Haha.. i had finished my ground checks, strapped into the aircraft with the instructor already in, and started to put on my gloves when wham! i apparently only had one side! Ended up releasing the straps, runnin all the way back tryin to find the other side, and borrowing a set from a senior. What a start. Can't help but feel that if it was another instructor, i might already had failed it. But all i could remember was telling myself that it wasn't over... and to fly the rest of the sortie as normal. The adrenaline got to me at first and i could not perform my ground procedures proficiently. But thank God i settled down before i entered the runway.

The rest of the flight went even better than i expected. It must be God. Flew so well i was surprised. And it was quite morale boosting to hear the instructor say he was impressed. Doesnt happen often at all... Rest of the flight went on smoothly, and i ended up passing it with more than average grades. More i think of it, the more i think it's God. Not flying tmr and possibly the day after. So that's absolutely timely for me after flying 3 days in a row.

I just wanna end this blog by thanking God. You know, i really cried out to God the past week or so. Really so desperate for His intervention. And something i believe in more and more is the prayer of two or more. My dad has an appointment with me every night at ten pm to pray and agree with each other. And it shall be done on earth and in heaven. And he encouraged me to pray in tongues every night for 5 min. haha... though i dont think it's time related blessings, but i still believe that there is power released. So i pray in tongues when i go to sleep until i really knock out.. haha... but i think i got better sleep than most nights! The devil will always threaten i guess. that everytime i proclaim His work and grace, he would try somethin bad and try to make me regret. But i am not going to take anything away from God. He deserves all glory, all praise.

Yes. He loves me. On the cross, He loveS me.

trying.

the past week has got to be one of my lowest points since coming here. but things have picked up a little since yesterday. Got a big test tmr. A flying progress check. the first test for me. A bit nervous really. Just felt that although the recent times really suck, i would experience many such times in the future. Perhaps if had more faith i would be able to proclaim somethin that's so against what is and should be happening.

Feel better though. Thanks to my dad and kelvin who i managed to talk to at last.. i guess that this is the test of character. The thoughts of quitting jus keep popping in my head but that is something i just simply refuse to do. Hmm, the guy i talked about before.. the one who grabbed my Bible.. he's leaving. He just feels that this is not the life he wants to live. And i guess none of us would fault him for it. But i pray God would give me the strength for me to carry on. Because to be strong and courageous, i need His providence too...

40 deg celsius today... dont remember that in Singapore man... haha... like i was in an oven. Flying was cancelled cos of this and even the flies didnt appear at all. even supposed to have a meteor shower last night. had to sleep early though so i missed it. Heard it didnt appear anyway...

Oh yeah, i saw Sharene on Sunday after church. Glad to see someone from Spore. Though i had to rush off as i had a time to meet. And also, the church went from debt into the black recently. It was such a testament of God.

Praise you Jesus. You have made a way.

picture of Christ

was reading judges recently... as i read it, somethin made me refer to e sword, which offers the Hebrew and Greek translations... i dont know if the following is interpreted right. But it reminds me of Christ. And i remember P.Prince telling us that the old testament is a reflection of the new, and when read with Christ in the picture, brings out its true meaning. So i am gg to send it out on e mail..

had a sim flight today.. with a different instructor... i was really nervous in the beginning. Though he prob is one of the nicer instructors. As i progressed, it really didnt seem like a good flight. But when i got my grade sheet, i was pleasantly surprised. Praise God. You know, sometimes it really is not what we can do but what He does. And in my training, what i cannot do seems to be magnified so many times. But i am learning to shift my focus on Him. And how to surrender to Him, for He will guide my path, even through the valley of death, He is my Shepherd. A thousand shall fall by my side, and ten thousand by my right hand, but it shall not come near me!

There's another Christian in my course... quite a new one i think. You know, he got a really nasty instructor... Imagine getting scolded and discouraged throughout the entire flight whilst trying to maintain performance man... He aint reacting too well to the instructor. One time, i was impressed to open my Bible and find a verse for Him. Almost immediately, i was reading Psalm 23. And i showed it to him. Didnt even wait for his reaction. Few days ago, he had a torturing post flight brief.. again.. and my frens were telling me, when he came back to our study room, he went straight for my Bible, grabbed it, and went into the changing room. I didnt ask him about it but i believe God will deliver. It is not me anyway. I want to live for His glory.

lazy?

hmm.. jus flew a sortie this morning. Mostly clear skies today. As i started my day today, my course mate actually told me that my instructor felt that i was lazy.. haha.. that i was a natural flier and if only i worked as hard as him.. sigh.. The instructor kinda affirmed it with me after my flight today, saying that i needed to work harder. I actually think that if i had not gotten off on the wrong footing, by preparing wrongly during my first sortie with him, he wouldn be saying that now. So it's kinda hard to break that impression..

Having heard that, i guess there's nothing i can really do but keep working. And it is possible to put in more effort. so i'll try. My hope is in God, and i pray i learn to trust Him more and more. and become more and more confident going to Him. Boldly seeking His grace and glory.

Guess what? i got a free guitar few days ago! haha... it was from this guy who was going home cos he was 'chopped' from the course. Come to think of it, God placed me at the right time and place to receive it! I was contemplating buying one actually. Dont remember if i did ask Him for it, but He knows our hearts and desires! haha... Thank you Jesus for that blessing.

Still trying to find time to put those photos in and stuff... but with the recent restrictions, a bit hard.. so be patient with me ok.

voices

recently been reading daily devotionals by Smith Wigglesworth. About the testing of voices in my head. To test them with the question of Did Jesus come in the flesh? Kenneth Copeland says to test them by asking if Jesus is Lord. Because the devil will never admit that He did come in the flesh, and He is Lord. And as for me, i want to constantly ask these 2 questions, to decisions i make, to thoughts i think. Sometimes i find that if i truly believed that He is alive and Lord, then i would or would not be doing so many things...

Just finished my lunch... again... haha. when i weighed myself b4 basketball on sunday, i actually put on 4 kg since i came.. hehe. must be the diet. and finished reading the blog of a hopeless romantic, Z. Correction, He's a hopeful romantic... haha... I'm sure he knows who i am refering to! Yah, i think he can ooze romantism man.. haha...

Not been flying yest and today, so that's gd rest for me. Think i would be flying tmr though. Hope i can perform much better. I determine to take a different approach to my future flights. It is difficult, but i hope to fly them without fears and worries, without allowing the instructor's negative inputs to get to me. Hey, to you reading this, jus say a little prayer for me ok?

Hopefully, our confinement period would end soon. then i can really buy stuff i really want and need. Like letters to reply those friends who have taken time out to write. Yes, i received them! and i like them too! God bless your souls!

quick one

i jus finished my lunch.. haha... dont really have internet access now. cos got some discipline problems with the students, so management implemnented these measures... sigh... aiyoh, i gotta go now. got ops duty... things going fine, and to my parents and sister, i love you all.

His creation...

very tired lately, got extra duties on monday and tuesday cos andrew (fellow Christian brother - Joan the fluteplayer's brother) and i had forgotten to lower the flag on friday. Meant that we had to wake at 5 plus in the mornin everyday. Thank God we were not planned to fly either of these days. I would say that i have not been very cheerful recently, cos of circumstances and all that. But at the same time, God is speaking in my heart, and i can constantly hear His voice, changing me.

Sometimes i have to consciously stop myself from meditating on the bad stuff.. um, and also to look at the good, expect the best. Read James and it said that the testing of our faith worketh patience. So that's plus character and hope then, according to Romans. Leaving squadron everyday and heading for our bunks, the sky sometimes looks beautiful. When i see the sunset, colours and frequently bright stars, i am reminded that God created them. And come to think of it, my descendents will be many too! And this is land in which He has promised me.

Flying tmr, hope it wont be as drastic as the last.. haha.. Prayed about it... Hope does not disappoint right?

Tammie, sorry i took so long with the photos.. haha.. havent taken any since comin here actually.. but i do have photos in flight suit b4 i came to spore.. in my fren camera. maybe i'll post those first.. latest by this weekend ok..

Joseph, if you're readin this, how do you create a chat box and insert pics in blog?

been so long

wow it's been quite some time since i updated. that was cos i have been e most busy this past week. flying 4 sorties in e same nmber of days has been no simple matter, esp since we jus got here and are being rushed so hard. Previous courses only averaged maybe a sortie every 3 or 4 days initially. Almost failed my last sortie which was a simulator. Praise God the instructor acknowledged my lack of sleep and cancelled it. Wont have the same excuse next week though... Plus our orientation prep went to waste. That was cos one of the students crashed last friday. flying should resume somewhere this week.

went to church today. it's called Riverview Church. The setup is so much like in New Cre! I really felt the presence of God when we went in late for worship. Even for that short period, i really missed that tangible presence. Message was a little dry initially, but maybe that's cos i was tired. However, when i humbled my heart more and tried to listen, it started takin more meaning to me. Was about the beautitudes. Attributes that spoke most to me was meekness in heart and proactiveness. Felt that i lost a bit of the former, and need more of the latter. But God will change that. As for honesty to emotions, i'm not too sure what to think of it yet. Does that mean being honest to God and ourselves about how we feel? What about times when we have to reject our emotions at the moment and press on? i.e. flying?

Slowly learning more that life is not about me. Cant say i never knew that b4, but maybe it was head knowledge. But i see more and more life is about Jesus, and that enables me to make life about others around me too. Read a little of I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Think it was really good, spoke to me on several fronts. Some reminders too. If you're reading this, i recommend the book. My heart is somethin precious and should not be so easily given away, but reserved for who God has opened the doors for me.

Thanx Zach, for the encouragement though you might not have meant it. Giving up simply means I have forgotten why I have started.

First day out

Today was my first day out of base.. been 3 weeks already.. we went out, bought stuff, and practically walked around for hours doing nothing! haha... Perth really is quite boring man. Mmm, at least lunch and dinner was good. We had zhi cha (hanyu pinyin). A bit ex, but it's better than the potatoes, beef and cauliflowers we have everyday...

During my time out, there were times i started to worry about flying. Then reminded myself not to worry. And when i settled down in spirit, i realized others around me had the same worries too! haha... i guess that's the difference between children of God and the world - that we have His promises.

Was quite sad to see friends around me starting to slip into bad habits like smoking, etc. Maybe it's the stress. The drinking culture isnt very healthy either. Mmm, some of them even went to see some x rated stuff...

I did learn somethin though, when i shared my past experience with a fren. that once when i was pulled into one of those places, i came out not liking it. He told me that he liked it that i didnt sound self righteous about it even as the others were excited about their recent experience. It was encouraging to me, cos it showed me that His grace has touched me, and will continue to touch and change me. That more and more, i can have metanoya and be firmly established in my identity in Him, the righteousness of God...

in touch with Jesus.

Wow, flown two sims already... been quite hard, especially sortie preparation. Go in like go 4 exam like that, kana scrutinize, tested, then scolded throughout... try to rem that He is with me though.. most prob flyin another simulator on saturday. Thank God for the break tmr... mm, luks like they pushin us to fly the actual one nxt week...

Recently jus felt like i need to listen more for His guidance in every situation. Felt that sometimes, when situations dun go well, those are the times i need to stop dwelling in the situation, being disappointed in His inaction, and start leaning on His promises, and rememberin that He is all knowing, and has worked all things for good to me...

Sometimes i felt that a situation wasnt good for me, then realised that i would complain about it if it was reversed anyway.. haha... and sometimes when there are misunderstandings, i remember His Word, that the ones with understanding hold their peace. I believe He will justify me in all things...

His blood has covered my sins, rolling the Jordan (death) all the way back to Adam. and i will learn to trust in Him with all my heart, lean not on my own understanding, acknowledge Him in all my ways, and He will direct my paths.

rest

Been finding the past days really tough... but i hope not to worry anybody. I guess this is a journey i have to go thru. Moreover, as the army sergeants say, thousands before have done it... The pace is really hectic. And we are pushed to high performance levels.

Sometimes, i find myself worrying. then i go back to bunk, and after spending time with God, find that hey, it's really in vain. So i hope that as i take this journey, i will see His works, and grow in faith, grow in trust and also in boldness. I want to dare to believe Him in all things. I pray that i will constantly remember He is willing, and He is more than able.

Learning everyday about righteousness, identity, faith. About balance, and works. He is my refuge and my fortress, in Him I will trust.

Giving thanks

I realised I havent thank God for a very long time for anything. So here goes...

Thank you Father, Lord, God, Saviour and Covenant friend. You are God, wonderful Counsellor, Love. YHVH, I will look constantly at your nail pierced hands, at your cross. Thank you for choosing me, saving me, blessing me. Also for the people You place in my life, the people who care for me, the people i care about. Thank you for placing me where I am now. Praises to You for every little thing You place in my life.

Thank you for the room (supposedly haunted) you gave me, for though it is away from my course mates, must be one of the larger ones with good view too! And of course I am grateful for the internet connection. You give me strength, and your grace is sufficient for all my needs. You equip me for every task and duty. I will not let my heart be troubled, nor will i be dismayed. For You bless this land which You have already given me!

-I am forgiven according to the riches of His grace.

-I will bless you in the land which the Lord your God is giving you.

-Let not your heart be troubled, you believe in God, believe also in me.
I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me. If you had known Me, you would have known my Father also, and from now on you know Him and have seen Him.
Whatever you ask in My name, I will do it.
-...the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him, but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you.

Psalm 23

Wow, the recent sharings about Psalm 23 really spoke to me. Psalm 23 was something that kept me going during my survival training in Brunei, and when i first received it on Sunday, i was impressed to jus read it through once. And when i read the shepherd's perspective, i understood why. He loves me. That's why.

I guess everyday will come with its own challenges, and life is that you can expect no sympathies from the world, for who understands? God does. Jesus walked this road before. And i would never give up what He has given everything for.

I learned the following from a book i am reading. It's called The Battle Belongs to the Lord.

Lord I don’t know what to do. Even if I did, I would not know how to do it. Some things are just out of my hands. But You. You are all knowing, all powerful, surpassing knowledge and infinite. You are God. My heart is not haughty, nor my eyes lofty, neither do I exercise in things too great or wonderful for me. I’m gonna wait on You, wait for you to do wonderful things! And I’m gonna enjoy watching it! Hallelujah!

heart

it's sunday, comin to midnight. Work resumes tmr. Really, work in the first week was so hectic that come saturday, each one of us here felt we had never appreciated a weekend the way we did before. Even though we were confined, but being able to relax was a huge relief. This even though we have to study for 6 quizes come monday and tuesday! haha..

A it on my sentiments being a trainee. To those who know me, know what kinda job it is. It is daunting, to be real, and causes me to lose my reliance on Him because of the effort we have to put in. But everytime i remember that His grace and love is sufficient for all my needs, that it will all work out good, i find peace again.

Was finding the meaning of the word "heart" in the Bible. Found different meanings, and mistook the Greek in the New Testament as a different Hebrew word from those used in e Old Testament. Cos Pastor say we have a new heart mah.. haha.. but what i found out were that other meanings were "thoughts, feelings, emotions, intellect". And the verses suddenly take so many meanings! haha.. I guess God really wants us entirely, wants us to subject our soul to His love. And Hearken/listen INTO His Righteousness (dikaiosunē *Greek- pronounced dik-ah-yos-oo'-nay)(tsedâqâh *Hebrew- pronounced tsed-aw-kaw')..

spoke to my parents, joseph and josiah today. So good to hear voices you care about. Hope to hear from more people too. May we all fall in love with Jesus a thousand times more.

First Blog

Hmm.. really jus tryin this to see if it works.. whether i can sustain it... been in australia for 6 days now.. been confined 2 wkends minimum.. haha.. a standard thing here...
The pace here is pretty hard, quite stressful so early of my stay here. Thinkin forward, 10 months seem a long time. and these 10 months would really be one of the turning points of my life. It plays a huge part and determines if my childhood dream comes true..
I love flying. Hate its stresses and secondary duties though. But i just feel that this is a great opportunity to get closer to my Saviour, Jesus. He is madly in love with me, and when i lose belief in Him, i lose myself. It is His goodness that keeps me hopeful, thru my weaknesses. He is my strength, and i WILL be strong and courageous, and i WILL claim my Promised Land. This Land He has given unto my hands. Jus wanna rest in Him.
1230 now.. i'm gonna sleep.. gotta prepare for 6 quizes nxt wk. Plus my first training session on the followin.. Lord, prepare me.