lazy?

hmm.. jus flew a sortie this morning. Mostly clear skies today. As i started my day today, my course mate actually told me that my instructor felt that i was lazy.. haha.. that i was a natural flier and if only i worked as hard as him.. sigh.. The instructor kinda affirmed it with me after my flight today, saying that i needed to work harder. I actually think that if i had not gotten off on the wrong footing, by preparing wrongly during my first sortie with him, he wouldn be saying that now. So it's kinda hard to break that impression..

Having heard that, i guess there's nothing i can really do but keep working. And it is possible to put in more effort. so i'll try. My hope is in God, and i pray i learn to trust Him more and more. and become more and more confident going to Him. Boldly seeking His grace and glory.

Guess what? i got a free guitar few days ago! haha... it was from this guy who was going home cos he was 'chopped' from the course. Come to think of it, God placed me at the right time and place to receive it! I was contemplating buying one actually. Dont remember if i did ask Him for it, but He knows our hearts and desires! haha... Thank you Jesus for that blessing.

Still trying to find time to put those photos in and stuff... but with the recent restrictions, a bit hard.. so be patient with me ok.

voices

recently been reading daily devotionals by Smith Wigglesworth. About the testing of voices in my head. To test them with the question of Did Jesus come in the flesh? Kenneth Copeland says to test them by asking if Jesus is Lord. Because the devil will never admit that He did come in the flesh, and He is Lord. And as for me, i want to constantly ask these 2 questions, to decisions i make, to thoughts i think. Sometimes i find that if i truly believed that He is alive and Lord, then i would or would not be doing so many things...

Just finished my lunch... again... haha. when i weighed myself b4 basketball on sunday, i actually put on 4 kg since i came.. hehe. must be the diet. and finished reading the blog of a hopeless romantic, Z. Correction, He's a hopeful romantic... haha... I'm sure he knows who i am refering to! Yah, i think he can ooze romantism man.. haha...

Not been flying yest and today, so that's gd rest for me. Think i would be flying tmr though. Hope i can perform much better. I determine to take a different approach to my future flights. It is difficult, but i hope to fly them without fears and worries, without allowing the instructor's negative inputs to get to me. Hey, to you reading this, jus say a little prayer for me ok?

Hopefully, our confinement period would end soon. then i can really buy stuff i really want and need. Like letters to reply those friends who have taken time out to write. Yes, i received them! and i like them too! God bless your souls!

quick one

i jus finished my lunch.. haha... dont really have internet access now. cos got some discipline problems with the students, so management implemnented these measures... sigh... aiyoh, i gotta go now. got ops duty... things going fine, and to my parents and sister, i love you all.

His creation...

very tired lately, got extra duties on monday and tuesday cos andrew (fellow Christian brother - Joan the fluteplayer's brother) and i had forgotten to lower the flag on friday. Meant that we had to wake at 5 plus in the mornin everyday. Thank God we were not planned to fly either of these days. I would say that i have not been very cheerful recently, cos of circumstances and all that. But at the same time, God is speaking in my heart, and i can constantly hear His voice, changing me.

Sometimes i have to consciously stop myself from meditating on the bad stuff.. um, and also to look at the good, expect the best. Read James and it said that the testing of our faith worketh patience. So that's plus character and hope then, according to Romans. Leaving squadron everyday and heading for our bunks, the sky sometimes looks beautiful. When i see the sunset, colours and frequently bright stars, i am reminded that God created them. And come to think of it, my descendents will be many too! And this is land in which He has promised me.

Flying tmr, hope it wont be as drastic as the last.. haha.. Prayed about it... Hope does not disappoint right?

Tammie, sorry i took so long with the photos.. haha.. havent taken any since comin here actually.. but i do have photos in flight suit b4 i came to spore.. in my fren camera. maybe i'll post those first.. latest by this weekend ok..

Joseph, if you're readin this, how do you create a chat box and insert pics in blog?

been so long

wow it's been quite some time since i updated. that was cos i have been e most busy this past week. flying 4 sorties in e same nmber of days has been no simple matter, esp since we jus got here and are being rushed so hard. Previous courses only averaged maybe a sortie every 3 or 4 days initially. Almost failed my last sortie which was a simulator. Praise God the instructor acknowledged my lack of sleep and cancelled it. Wont have the same excuse next week though... Plus our orientation prep went to waste. That was cos one of the students crashed last friday. flying should resume somewhere this week.

went to church today. it's called Riverview Church. The setup is so much like in New Cre! I really felt the presence of God when we went in late for worship. Even for that short period, i really missed that tangible presence. Message was a little dry initially, but maybe that's cos i was tired. However, when i humbled my heart more and tried to listen, it started takin more meaning to me. Was about the beautitudes. Attributes that spoke most to me was meekness in heart and proactiveness. Felt that i lost a bit of the former, and need more of the latter. But God will change that. As for honesty to emotions, i'm not too sure what to think of it yet. Does that mean being honest to God and ourselves about how we feel? What about times when we have to reject our emotions at the moment and press on? i.e. flying?

Slowly learning more that life is not about me. Cant say i never knew that b4, but maybe it was head knowledge. But i see more and more life is about Jesus, and that enables me to make life about others around me too. Read a little of I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Think it was really good, spoke to me on several fronts. Some reminders too. If you're reading this, i recommend the book. My heart is somethin precious and should not be so easily given away, but reserved for who God has opened the doors for me.

Thanx Zach, for the encouragement though you might not have meant it. Giving up simply means I have forgotten why I have started.

First day out

Today was my first day out of base.. been 3 weeks already.. we went out, bought stuff, and practically walked around for hours doing nothing! haha... Perth really is quite boring man. Mmm, at least lunch and dinner was good. We had zhi cha (hanyu pinyin). A bit ex, but it's better than the potatoes, beef and cauliflowers we have everyday...

During my time out, there were times i started to worry about flying. Then reminded myself not to worry. And when i settled down in spirit, i realized others around me had the same worries too! haha... i guess that's the difference between children of God and the world - that we have His promises.

Was quite sad to see friends around me starting to slip into bad habits like smoking, etc. Maybe it's the stress. The drinking culture isnt very healthy either. Mmm, some of them even went to see some x rated stuff...

I did learn somethin though, when i shared my past experience with a fren. that once when i was pulled into one of those places, i came out not liking it. He told me that he liked it that i didnt sound self righteous about it even as the others were excited about their recent experience. It was encouraging to me, cos it showed me that His grace has touched me, and will continue to touch and change me. That more and more, i can have metanoya and be firmly established in my identity in Him, the righteousness of God...

in touch with Jesus.

Wow, flown two sims already... been quite hard, especially sortie preparation. Go in like go 4 exam like that, kana scrutinize, tested, then scolded throughout... try to rem that He is with me though.. most prob flyin another simulator on saturday. Thank God for the break tmr... mm, luks like they pushin us to fly the actual one nxt week...

Recently jus felt like i need to listen more for His guidance in every situation. Felt that sometimes, when situations dun go well, those are the times i need to stop dwelling in the situation, being disappointed in His inaction, and start leaning on His promises, and rememberin that He is all knowing, and has worked all things for good to me...

Sometimes i felt that a situation wasnt good for me, then realised that i would complain about it if it was reversed anyway.. haha... and sometimes when there are misunderstandings, i remember His Word, that the ones with understanding hold their peace. I believe He will justify me in all things...

His blood has covered my sins, rolling the Jordan (death) all the way back to Adam. and i will learn to trust in Him with all my heart, lean not on my own understanding, acknowledge Him in all my ways, and He will direct my paths.

rest

Been finding the past days really tough... but i hope not to worry anybody. I guess this is a journey i have to go thru. Moreover, as the army sergeants say, thousands before have done it... The pace is really hectic. And we are pushed to high performance levels.

Sometimes, i find myself worrying. then i go back to bunk, and after spending time with God, find that hey, it's really in vain. So i hope that as i take this journey, i will see His works, and grow in faith, grow in trust and also in boldness. I want to dare to believe Him in all things. I pray that i will constantly remember He is willing, and He is more than able.

Learning everyday about righteousness, identity, faith. About balance, and works. He is my refuge and my fortress, in Him I will trust.

Giving thanks

I realised I havent thank God for a very long time for anything. So here goes...

Thank you Father, Lord, God, Saviour and Covenant friend. You are God, wonderful Counsellor, Love. YHVH, I will look constantly at your nail pierced hands, at your cross. Thank you for choosing me, saving me, blessing me. Also for the people You place in my life, the people who care for me, the people i care about. Thank you for placing me where I am now. Praises to You for every little thing You place in my life.

Thank you for the room (supposedly haunted) you gave me, for though it is away from my course mates, must be one of the larger ones with good view too! And of course I am grateful for the internet connection. You give me strength, and your grace is sufficient for all my needs. You equip me for every task and duty. I will not let my heart be troubled, nor will i be dismayed. For You bless this land which You have already given me!

-I am forgiven according to the riches of His grace.

-I will bless you in the land which the Lord your God is giving you.

-Let not your heart be troubled, you believe in God, believe also in me.
I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me. If you had known Me, you would have known my Father also, and from now on you know Him and have seen Him.
Whatever you ask in My name, I will do it.
-...the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him, but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you.

Psalm 23

Wow, the recent sharings about Psalm 23 really spoke to me. Psalm 23 was something that kept me going during my survival training in Brunei, and when i first received it on Sunday, i was impressed to jus read it through once. And when i read the shepherd's perspective, i understood why. He loves me. That's why.

I guess everyday will come with its own challenges, and life is that you can expect no sympathies from the world, for who understands? God does. Jesus walked this road before. And i would never give up what He has given everything for.

I learned the following from a book i am reading. It's called The Battle Belongs to the Lord.

Lord I don’t know what to do. Even if I did, I would not know how to do it. Some things are just out of my hands. But You. You are all knowing, all powerful, surpassing knowledge and infinite. You are God. My heart is not haughty, nor my eyes lofty, neither do I exercise in things too great or wonderful for me. I’m gonna wait on You, wait for you to do wonderful things! And I’m gonna enjoy watching it! Hallelujah!