I always wondered why I seem to be on a spiritual high when there is no stress. And I seem to be so affected when trying times come.
I see that it’s not about the lack of testing that gives us the ability to remain “spiritual”. Without problems, we don’t need faith. But it’s about God wanting us to be in a place where through our tribulations, testing or even daily work, our minds are so firmly fixed on the foundation of His love and saving grace that we are emotionally immune… where our belief system is so in line with God that our emotions come in line with it…
Note that people always preach about that place. The place in the Holy Spirit. Saying that if only people would go into that place. But people never say how to get into that place. You know why? Simply because there isn’t a how. We get into that place not by works, not even by how well we can keep our minds on Him. But simply by believing. Believing that God is for us, and He loves us, and has died for us.
Is believing so hard? Sometimes I think that I just cant believe it. Then my mind starts to think it is because I have no faith. But then I remember that God has given us a measure of faith. I think then that it must be a choice. We have to make that choice to believe God. We have to take the authority and stand. That conscious choice and decision to believe is ours to make.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
There is therefore now no condemnation
Rom 6:18 Then being made free from sin, you became the slaves of righteousness.
Rom 6:19 I speak in the manner of men because of the weakness of your flesh; for as you have yielded your members as slaves to uncleanness, and to lawless act unto lawless act, even so now yield your members as slaves to righteousness unto holiness.
Rom 6:20 For when you were the slaves of sin, you were free from righteousness.
Rom 6:21 What fruit did you have then in those things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death.
Rom 6:22 But now, being made free from sin, and having become slaves to God, you have your fruit to holiness, and the end everlasting life.
Rom 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
↓
Rom 6:18 We have become slaves of righteousness! Slaves can’t shake away their status
of slavery. It is stuck on them!
Rom 6:19 Here, Paul is speaking to people who sin. Why do we know that? Because he
refers to them as weak in the flesh, yielding themselves as slaves to
uncleaness, lawless acts, asking them to yield their members as slaves to
righteousness unto holiness.
Rom 6:22 And now Christ has made us free from sin, we already have our fruit to
holiness! To everlasting life!
Why? Because it was the gift of God! Gifts are free! This gift is eternal life!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rom 7:1 Or are you ignorant, brothers; for I speak to those who know the Law; that the law has dominion over a man as long as he lives?
Rom 7:2 For the married woman was bound by law to the living husband. But if the husband is dead, she is set free from the law of her husband.
Rom 7:3 So then if, while her husband lives, she is married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress. But if the husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is no adulteress by becoming another man's wife.
Rom 7:4 So, my brothers, you also have become dead to the law by the body of Christ so that you should be married to Another, even to Him raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit to God.
Rom 7:5 For when we were in the flesh, the passions of sin worked in our members through the law to bring forth fruit to death.
Rom 7:6 But now we having been set free from the Law, having died to that in which we were held, so that we serve in newness of spirit and not in oldness of the letter.
↓
Rom 7:2 Here the married woman is the church. And we and all were bound by His law. So, to free us from this law, our Husband had to die.
Rom 7:3 I see the marrying of another man here as disobedience to God. We marry other husbands like sins, lust, etc.
But if our Husband dies, we are no adulteress even when we become another man’s wife! Even if we sin!
Rom 7:4 And this is how Christ brought about our death to the law, by His body! So that we might be married to Another – the Risen Christ! Why? To sin? No!
Rom 7:5 To bring forth fruit to God! What is this fruit? Romans 6:22 says that it is fruit to holiness! Everlasting life!
Rom 7:6 And now we serve in newness/renewal of spirit, not oldness of the Law!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rom 7:7 What shall we say then? Is the law sin? Let it not be said! But I did not know sin except through the law. For also I did not know lust except the law said, You shall not lust.
Rom 7:8 But sin, taking occasion by the commandment, worked in me all kinds of lust. For apart from law sin was dead.
Rom 7:9 For I was alive without the law once. But when the commandment came, sin revived and I died.
Rom 7:10 And the commandment, which was to life, was found to be death to me.
Rom 7:11 For sin, taking occasion by the commandment, deceived me, and by it killed me.
Rom 7:12 So indeed the Law is holy, and the commandment is holy and just and good.
Rom 7:13 Then has that which is good become death to me? Let it not be! But sin, that it might appear to be sin, working death in me by that which is good; in order that sin might become exceedingly sinful by the commandment.
↓
Rom 7:7 Here goes on to answer what most people are thinking right now – so you can sin all you like and still go to heaven/not be called adulteress/attain the fruit of God?! What shall we say then?
From what’s written, it’s quite self explanatory. The Law was not sin, but it gave the knowledge of what was right and wrong, like the apple adam ate. That sin took advantage of the Law which is holy and good.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rom 7:14 For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin.
Rom 7:15 For that which I do, I know not. For what I desire, that I do not do; but what I hate, that I do.
Rom 7:16 If then I do that which I do not desire, I consent to the law that it is good.
Rom 7:17 But now it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwells in me.
Rom 7:18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) dwells no good thing. For to will is present with me, but how to perform that which is good I do not find.
Rom 7:19 For I do not do the good that I desire; but the evil which I do not will, that I do.
Rom 7:20 But if I do what I do not desire, it is no more I working it out, but sin dwelling in me.
Rom 7:21 I find then a law: when I will to do the right, evil is present with me.
Rom 7:22 For I delight in the Law of God according to the inward man;
Rom 7:23 but I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin being in my members.
Rom 7:24 O wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from the body of this death?
Rom 7:25 I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then with the mind I myself serve the Law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.
↓
Rom 7:14 For the Law is spiritual, but it is our flesh and nature that is carnal, that even when in our inner man, our spirit, we do not wish to sin against God, but sin has always dwelled within us! Remember we were born sinners for this reason. Through the knowledge of good and evil, sin was born in us!
Rom 7:20 And though we will to do good, we do evil, the workings of this sin dwelling within us!
Rom 7:25 Who shall deliver us then? Save us from our own bodies? Jesus Christ!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rom 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.
Rom 8:2 But the Law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.
Rom 8:3 For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh;
Rom 8:4 so that the righteousness of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.
↓
Finally the conclusion? There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit!
We that believe in Jesus are no longer condemned! And how do we walk in the Spirit? There is no how! It is our inheritance! We are in Christ Jesus, and we walk in the Spirit!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rom 6:19 I speak in the manner of men because of the weakness of your flesh; for as you have yielded your members as slaves to uncleanness, and to lawless act unto lawless act, even so now yield your members as slaves to righteousness unto holiness.
Rom 6:20 For when you were the slaves of sin, you were free from righteousness.
Rom 6:21 What fruit did you have then in those things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death.
Rom 6:22 But now, being made free from sin, and having become slaves to God, you have your fruit to holiness, and the end everlasting life.
Rom 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
↓
Rom 6:18 We have become slaves of righteousness! Slaves can’t shake away their status
of slavery. It is stuck on them!
Rom 6:19 Here, Paul is speaking to people who sin. Why do we know that? Because he
refers to them as weak in the flesh, yielding themselves as slaves to
uncleaness, lawless acts, asking them to yield their members as slaves to
righteousness unto holiness.
Rom 6:22 And now Christ has made us free from sin, we already have our fruit to
holiness! To everlasting life!
Why? Because it was the gift of God! Gifts are free! This gift is eternal life!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rom 7:1 Or are you ignorant, brothers; for I speak to those who know the Law; that the law has dominion over a man as long as he lives?
Rom 7:2 For the married woman was bound by law to the living husband. But if the husband is dead, she is set free from the law of her husband.
Rom 7:3 So then if, while her husband lives, she is married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress. But if the husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is no adulteress by becoming another man's wife.
Rom 7:4 So, my brothers, you also have become dead to the law by the body of Christ so that you should be married to Another, even to Him raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit to God.
Rom 7:5 For when we were in the flesh, the passions of sin worked in our members through the law to bring forth fruit to death.
Rom 7:6 But now we having been set free from the Law, having died to that in which we were held, so that we serve in newness of spirit and not in oldness of the letter.
↓
Rom 7:2 Here the married woman is the church. And we and all were bound by His law. So, to free us from this law, our Husband had to die.
Rom 7:3 I see the marrying of another man here as disobedience to God. We marry other husbands like sins, lust, etc.
But if our Husband dies, we are no adulteress even when we become another man’s wife! Even if we sin!
Rom 7:4 And this is how Christ brought about our death to the law, by His body! So that we might be married to Another – the Risen Christ! Why? To sin? No!
Rom 7:5 To bring forth fruit to God! What is this fruit? Romans 6:22 says that it is fruit to holiness! Everlasting life!
Rom 7:6 And now we serve in newness/renewal of spirit, not oldness of the Law!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rom 7:7 What shall we say then? Is the law sin? Let it not be said! But I did not know sin except through the law. For also I did not know lust except the law said, You shall not lust.
Rom 7:8 But sin, taking occasion by the commandment, worked in me all kinds of lust. For apart from law sin was dead.
Rom 7:9 For I was alive without the law once. But when the commandment came, sin revived and I died.
Rom 7:10 And the commandment, which was to life, was found to be death to me.
Rom 7:11 For sin, taking occasion by the commandment, deceived me, and by it killed me.
Rom 7:12 So indeed the Law is holy, and the commandment is holy and just and good.
Rom 7:13 Then has that which is good become death to me? Let it not be! But sin, that it might appear to be sin, working death in me by that which is good; in order that sin might become exceedingly sinful by the commandment.
↓
Rom 7:7 Here goes on to answer what most people are thinking right now – so you can sin all you like and still go to heaven/not be called adulteress/attain the fruit of God?! What shall we say then?
From what’s written, it’s quite self explanatory. The Law was not sin, but it gave the knowledge of what was right and wrong, like the apple adam ate. That sin took advantage of the Law which is holy and good.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rom 7:14 For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin.
Rom 7:15 For that which I do, I know not. For what I desire, that I do not do; but what I hate, that I do.
Rom 7:16 If then I do that which I do not desire, I consent to the law that it is good.
Rom 7:17 But now it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwells in me.
Rom 7:18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) dwells no good thing. For to will is present with me, but how to perform that which is good I do not find.
Rom 7:19 For I do not do the good that I desire; but the evil which I do not will, that I do.
Rom 7:20 But if I do what I do not desire, it is no more I working it out, but sin dwelling in me.
Rom 7:21 I find then a law: when I will to do the right, evil is present with me.
Rom 7:22 For I delight in the Law of God according to the inward man;
Rom 7:23 but I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin being in my members.
Rom 7:24 O wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from the body of this death?
Rom 7:25 I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then with the mind I myself serve the Law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.
↓
Rom 7:14 For the Law is spiritual, but it is our flesh and nature that is carnal, that even when in our inner man, our spirit, we do not wish to sin against God, but sin has always dwelled within us! Remember we were born sinners for this reason. Through the knowledge of good and evil, sin was born in us!
Rom 7:20 And though we will to do good, we do evil, the workings of this sin dwelling within us!
Rom 7:25 Who shall deliver us then? Save us from our own bodies? Jesus Christ!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rom 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.
Rom 8:2 But the Law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.
Rom 8:3 For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh;
Rom 8:4 so that the righteousness of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.
↓
Finally the conclusion? There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit!
We that believe in Jesus are no longer condemned! And how do we walk in the Spirit? There is no how! It is our inheritance! We are in Christ Jesus, and we walk in the Spirit!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Zion Praise Harvest
Today I went to a new church. On the invite of my friend, I decided to go there which my friend described as “quite happening”. Well, since he said it was charismatic and “quite happening” sounds like what someone would describe my church, I decided to go.
Along the way, self-conscious me was struggling against going to this place. What if this place was like the church I ran away from afraid in the past? What if I got spooked again? Knowing how enthusiastic and spiritual charismatic churches can be…
But I remembered the journey Christ took me through, even through that church which I ran from, refused to answer calls to… And reminded myself that I was going to church to meet God, not anyone or anything else. Wasn’t going to be anti social, just wanted to be clear that I did not have to live to people’s expectations…
Got there slightly late, and worshipped had already started in this auditorium (in a Poly/Uni-like complex). People were so eager to shake our hands it reminded me of NCC. And then we got to our seats. And the next song began. As it begun, it brought a smile to my face, hearing a song I knew, and seeing the people worship God like it was campus! My friend’s friend immediately remarked to him that she could see I was so happy! Haha…
Worship was amazing for me. Knowing the songs definitely didn’t harm either.. and the atmosphere, and I could just feel the Spirit. Today I worshipped like I have not for months! Not even in Riverview.. I found myself singing at the top of my voice (off key it might have been) and it was like I was in campus all over again!
After service, my friend started asking me about what the differences were between roman catholics and Christians. He was a Catholic. So I offered my explanations and whatever little I knew. He seems to receive quite well. I believe he will eventually believe right. Maybe he would agree to go to New Cre when he returns to Singapore..
Then we had lunch, with some other members, and they were also in cgs. One guy remarked about how he liked it in New Cre. Saying it was different, like it had something more… and how he missed it.. he stays in Perth. God! I miss New Cre so much I cant wait to go back. Anyway, I cant wait to go back to Zion Praise Harvest as well!
Along the way, self-conscious me was struggling against going to this place. What if this place was like the church I ran away from afraid in the past? What if I got spooked again? Knowing how enthusiastic and spiritual charismatic churches can be…
But I remembered the journey Christ took me through, even through that church which I ran from, refused to answer calls to… And reminded myself that I was going to church to meet God, not anyone or anything else. Wasn’t going to be anti social, just wanted to be clear that I did not have to live to people’s expectations…
Got there slightly late, and worshipped had already started in this auditorium (in a Poly/Uni-like complex). People were so eager to shake our hands it reminded me of NCC. And then we got to our seats. And the next song began. As it begun, it brought a smile to my face, hearing a song I knew, and seeing the people worship God like it was campus! My friend’s friend immediately remarked to him that she could see I was so happy! Haha…
Worship was amazing for me. Knowing the songs definitely didn’t harm either.. and the atmosphere, and I could just feel the Spirit. Today I worshipped like I have not for months! Not even in Riverview.. I found myself singing at the top of my voice (off key it might have been) and it was like I was in campus all over again!
After service, my friend started asking me about what the differences were between roman catholics and Christians. He was a Catholic. So I offered my explanations and whatever little I knew. He seems to receive quite well. I believe he will eventually believe right. Maybe he would agree to go to New Cre when he returns to Singapore..
Then we had lunch, with some other members, and they were also in cgs. One guy remarked about how he liked it in New Cre. Saying it was different, like it had something more… and how he missed it.. he stays in Perth. God! I miss New Cre so much I cant wait to go back. Anyway, I cant wait to go back to Zion Praise Harvest as well!
Two Voices
I always hear two voices. Both claiming to be the truth. One bases its foundation on the Word. What people call the Bible. And my fellow Christians call it the Word of God. Some say its Jesus. Some say it lives. Others say it’s the Holy Spirit. And even some say it’s peace. In this book are the promises of God, who claims to be Love. Who says He is faithful and always with me, loving me, showing me His grace and waiting for the time I join Him in Heaven.
When I follow this voice, it promises supernatural peace, grace and blessings. And the joy it brings. But in the circumstances, this voice seems so hard to believe, so hard to follow. Yet there’s always a part of me, or inside me that is gentle, and keeps on saying, ”This is the truth. Believe it.”
The other voice. It’s louder than the other. And in most times when there are hard times, this voice fights to be even louder. It likes to follow the things the eyes see, and the things the body feels. It promises self satisfaction, a type of joy that comes from myself. Created by myself, in a world of myself. It also keeps repeating “me, me, me, me”. Everything centers around self. Then there’s the what ifs, and the if onlys. This voice likes to use the science of the world too, staking its own claim to be the truth.
When I follow this voice, it promises joy too. Self satisfaction. It’s in a way easier to follow. Just act naturally, the way the body wants to. And to follow this voice, I’ll have to ignore the other. But in the process, even if I follow this route only mid way, every part of me just wants to erupt. Just wants to rebel. From the inside, I suddenly hear one voice and cry only. It says, “God, save me!”
So this is the path. That in this life, I have to choose one voice to follow. And one will grow stronger. The other one, will eventually die. Lord, help me. I wanna hear Your voice and Yours only. And when I hear it Lord, give me the grace, strength, power and courage to follow it and follow through. Open my ears Lord.
When I follow this voice, it promises supernatural peace, grace and blessings. And the joy it brings. But in the circumstances, this voice seems so hard to believe, so hard to follow. Yet there’s always a part of me, or inside me that is gentle, and keeps on saying, ”This is the truth. Believe it.”
The other voice. It’s louder than the other. And in most times when there are hard times, this voice fights to be even louder. It likes to follow the things the eyes see, and the things the body feels. It promises self satisfaction, a type of joy that comes from myself. Created by myself, in a world of myself. It also keeps repeating “me, me, me, me”. Everything centers around self. Then there’s the what ifs, and the if onlys. This voice likes to use the science of the world too, staking its own claim to be the truth.
When I follow this voice, it promises joy too. Self satisfaction. It’s in a way easier to follow. Just act naturally, the way the body wants to. And to follow this voice, I’ll have to ignore the other. But in the process, even if I follow this route only mid way, every part of me just wants to erupt. Just wants to rebel. From the inside, I suddenly hear one voice and cry only. It says, “God, save me!”
So this is the path. That in this life, I have to choose one voice to follow. And one will grow stronger. The other one, will eventually die. Lord, help me. I wanna hear Your voice and Yours only. And when I hear it Lord, give me the grace, strength, power and courage to follow it and follow through. Open my ears Lord.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Part 2
This blog's titled part 2 cos it's the 2nd for tonight, and it's about an event called Part 2.
Got a lot to reflect about my time here. I know myself. I have thought some bad thoughts. done some bad things. And not been near a faithful servant at all.. Yet every disappointment with myself is only self righteousness. And God know He has bestowed upon me such grace and mercy. In a time of self perceived darkness, He has brought me up, and embraced me, used me.
Saturday night was our Basic Handling Test Dinner. Meant to commemorate our successful passing the BHT. THe final exam before we leave here. Though technically we have not even taken it, but it has to be arranged as a course. And after the dinner, there was the unofficial Part 2. And we proceeded to this strip club. Having nowhere else to go, and no driving license, and being part of the course, i had to go.
Well, one by one my coursemates were sat down below the stage upon which the girls danced. And they got their lap dances one by one. Me? i sat down initially. But found myself walkin away soon after. So i stood at the back watching. I didnt want to seem self righteous, nor did i want to spoil the mood, but i found myself strangely submitted to God. It even reached a point where one of my course mates started shouting my name. And my course mates all followed that up! i gripped a table with an iron grip and simply refused to go. And some instructors kinda looked at me "one kind".
I had been listening to this CD about evangelism. Lost people were everywhere. We didnt have to look for them, cos they were everywhere! And evangelism was something as simple as a mention of God, of Jesus. It was still a seed sowned! And for months, when i have been nowhere near a testimony for Him, amidst the pressures to behave in a "Christian" manner. But here because of this strip club, God was going to use me four times in 2 nights.
One instructor started talking to me. And i began a little slowly, questioning in my mind if i was really going to start talkin about Him to this instructor. Somethin i have not done in months. Then i remembered the CD, and began sharing my thoughts and beliefs. I was sharing about Christ in a strip club! It came to a point where he had no answers to me. And i believe that moment will serve to be a seed sown. Then came the next instructor. About 40-50 years of age maybe? But i saw a lack of wisdom. God's wisdom. And to him too i mentioned God. Saying i saw no reason to be "with the flow". Then came another instructor, and the same mention. Finally, whilst we were driving back to base the following night, my coursemate started talking about his gf being a christian and stuff. And he asked me if i really could hear Him! That started me sharing again.
Looking back i think He wants to show me that of my efforts i could and would end up nowhere. But only through Him. I am desperate for Him. I need to be even more.
Here's somethin to share. David therefore pleaded with God for the child, and David fasted and went in and lay all night on the ground. So the elders of his house arose and went to him, to raise him up from the ground. But he would not, nor did he eat food with them. Then on the seventh day it came to pass that the child died. And the servants od David were afraid to tell him that the child was dead. For they said, "Indeed, while the child was alive we spoke to him, and he would not heed our voice. How can we tell him that the child is dead? He may do some harm!" When David saw that his servants were whispering, David perceived that the child was dead. Therefore David said to his servants, "Is this child dead?" and they said, "He is dead."
So David arose from the ground, washed and anointed himself, and changed his clothes; and he went into the house of the Lord and WORSHIPED. Then he went to his own house; and when he requested, they set food before him, and he ate... ..."Who can tell whether the Lord will be gracious to me, that the child may live?"
That is grace. Even when the child died, David wasnt disappointed, wasn't mourning. He worshiped! He ate! Because he had a revelation of what grace is! That he did not deserve it. But totally relied on the Lord's mercy. How many times have i been disappointed and sad?
Got a lot to reflect about my time here. I know myself. I have thought some bad thoughts. done some bad things. And not been near a faithful servant at all.. Yet every disappointment with myself is only self righteousness. And God know He has bestowed upon me such grace and mercy. In a time of self perceived darkness, He has brought me up, and embraced me, used me.
Saturday night was our Basic Handling Test Dinner. Meant to commemorate our successful passing the BHT. THe final exam before we leave here. Though technically we have not even taken it, but it has to be arranged as a course. And after the dinner, there was the unofficial Part 2. And we proceeded to this strip club. Having nowhere else to go, and no driving license, and being part of the course, i had to go.
Well, one by one my coursemates were sat down below the stage upon which the girls danced. And they got their lap dances one by one. Me? i sat down initially. But found myself walkin away soon after. So i stood at the back watching. I didnt want to seem self righteous, nor did i want to spoil the mood, but i found myself strangely submitted to God. It even reached a point where one of my course mates started shouting my name. And my course mates all followed that up! i gripped a table with an iron grip and simply refused to go. And some instructors kinda looked at me "one kind".
I had been listening to this CD about evangelism. Lost people were everywhere. We didnt have to look for them, cos they were everywhere! And evangelism was something as simple as a mention of God, of Jesus. It was still a seed sowned! And for months, when i have been nowhere near a testimony for Him, amidst the pressures to behave in a "Christian" manner. But here because of this strip club, God was going to use me four times in 2 nights.
One instructor started talking to me. And i began a little slowly, questioning in my mind if i was really going to start talkin about Him to this instructor. Somethin i have not done in months. Then i remembered the CD, and began sharing my thoughts and beliefs. I was sharing about Christ in a strip club! It came to a point where he had no answers to me. And i believe that moment will serve to be a seed sown. Then came the next instructor. About 40-50 years of age maybe? But i saw a lack of wisdom. God's wisdom. And to him too i mentioned God. Saying i saw no reason to be "with the flow". Then came another instructor, and the same mention. Finally, whilst we were driving back to base the following night, my coursemate started talking about his gf being a christian and stuff. And he asked me if i really could hear Him! That started me sharing again.
Looking back i think He wants to show me that of my efforts i could and would end up nowhere. But only through Him. I am desperate for Him. I need to be even more.
Here's somethin to share. David therefore pleaded with God for the child, and David fasted and went in and lay all night on the ground. So the elders of his house arose and went to him, to raise him up from the ground. But he would not, nor did he eat food with them. Then on the seventh day it came to pass that the child died. And the servants od David were afraid to tell him that the child was dead. For they said, "Indeed, while the child was alive we spoke to him, and he would not heed our voice. How can we tell him that the child is dead? He may do some harm!" When David saw that his servants were whispering, David perceived that the child was dead. Therefore David said to his servants, "Is this child dead?" and they said, "He is dead."
So David arose from the ground, washed and anointed himself, and changed his clothes; and he went into the house of the Lord and WORSHIPED. Then he went to his own house; and when he requested, they set food before him, and he ate... ..."Who can tell whether the Lord will be gracious to me, that the child may live?"
That is grace. Even when the child died, David wasnt disappointed, wasn't mourning. He worshiped! He ate! Because he had a revelation of what grace is! That he did not deserve it. But totally relied on the Lord's mercy. How many times have i been disappointed and sad?
apaches?
Looks like it's more or less confirmed.. i should be going to helis.. Well according to the instructors, it's not so much about my flying. My course commander says that my flying might be even better than my coursemates, but my scores just dont reflect it. And they cant justify sending me to fighters with my kind of scores. It gives me pain though that scores are sometimes instructor dependent.. Another instructor told me that after my close form sorties, some instructors kinda tagged me with the label "black knight". I guess i wont be going there though... He also told me that heli flying (he was a heli pilot) should be a walk in the park for me.. haha.. And they are sending me in the hope that i can make it to apaches... He said this to me: that if i had went to fighters, he knew i would be 'shit hot' but, which type of lifestyle would i enjoy more?
There's the disappointment of not being able to go fly fighters... somethin i looked to as a kid. But perhaps my experience here has led me to feel that this is more than just about a dream coming true. But what's best for me. Somehow when i got the news that i was going to helis, i felt more relieved than disappointed. And i think it stemmed from the fact that deep inside i knew i wouldn't enjoy a fighter lifestyle. Certainly one reason why they didnt send me there has to be my personality. Where fighter pilots tend to be more extroverted, aggressive and individualistic. My former instructor (now left the air force) actually called the squadron looking for me and talked to me a little, saying that he had wished i was going to helis. Cos he had seen many people go to fighter squadrons and change drastically. With the things i have seen here, i think it must be true... i can only say that going to places they enjoy isnt healthy at all.. Esp for my spiritual life.
They gonna plan the fighter guys to finish by 15 of this month. And the rest of us should go back latest by national day. I think maybe a week earlier than that. i got about 20+ sorties left in my syllabus. Looking forward to going back home. And spending the next 9 months in sweet Singapore! Cos my rotary training should be in sembawang... Family, church, char kway teow, satay, friends, maybe a driving license, here i come! (no order in priority.. hehe)
There's the disappointment of not being able to go fly fighters... somethin i looked to as a kid. But perhaps my experience here has led me to feel that this is more than just about a dream coming true. But what's best for me. Somehow when i got the news that i was going to helis, i felt more relieved than disappointed. And i think it stemmed from the fact that deep inside i knew i wouldn't enjoy a fighter lifestyle. Certainly one reason why they didnt send me there has to be my personality. Where fighter pilots tend to be more extroverted, aggressive and individualistic. My former instructor (now left the air force) actually called the squadron looking for me and talked to me a little, saying that he had wished i was going to helis. Cos he had seen many people go to fighter squadrons and change drastically. With the things i have seen here, i think it must be true... i can only say that going to places they enjoy isnt healthy at all.. Esp for my spiritual life.
They gonna plan the fighter guys to finish by 15 of this month. And the rest of us should go back latest by national day. I think maybe a week earlier than that. i got about 20+ sorties left in my syllabus. Looking forward to going back home. And spending the next 9 months in sweet Singapore! Cos my rotary training should be in sembawang... Family, church, char kway teow, satay, friends, maybe a driving license, here i come! (no order in priority.. hehe)
Sunday, July 03, 2005
Gg home!
Streaming for my course has just ended... And choices have already been made about who are to go to fighters, helis or transport. But the results werent given to us. Not sure if i am going to be posted to fighters or helis... Guess i would be disappointed if i dun make it to fighters, but even if it were so, i got to remind myself that God would have my best interests at heart.
Seems so near to going home, and at the same time, it seems so far away cos of the flights that we still have to complete... Approaching the winter season, the weather gets showery and cold, at times leaving us grounded. Got about slightly less than 30 sorties to go i think. and even given a month, that would amount to a whopping 7 sorties a week. Packed a little of my obsolete stuff today... Think i gonna have an overloaded luggage gg back home!
Night flying's begun too.. Tmr, i gotta fly a navigation sortie in the afternoon, then do a night one.. If the weather stands. Anyway, i just cant wait to get home!
Seems so near to going home, and at the same time, it seems so far away cos of the flights that we still have to complete... Approaching the winter season, the weather gets showery and cold, at times leaving us grounded. Got about slightly less than 30 sorties to go i think. and even given a month, that would amount to a whopping 7 sorties a week. Packed a little of my obsolete stuff today... Think i gonna have an overloaded luggage gg back home!
Night flying's begun too.. Tmr, i gotta fly a navigation sortie in the afternoon, then do a night one.. If the weather stands. Anyway, i just cant wait to get home!
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