back in Spore.

been back for 3 days now.. jus got back from the movie Phantom of the Opera.. well it requires jus a little patience, plus esp if you the type that likes musicals, then it's a good show. Quite romantic too..

reflecting back on my time in perth, and lookin forward to it again, i must say i aint very enthusiastic about it.. i read that trials will come. that they can only make us stronger, correct us, build us, change us. but in truth, the journey hurts. I read that those who are wise love correction, then i think i must be a fool. i read and hear about the life, the overflowing cup, the peace and joy.. but now i neither see nor taste it. i wish i were like elijah, hearing the sound of rain in the distace. yet can i be like david, singing psalms of expressions, crying out to God, proclaiming His goodness or questioning His inaction?

This i know in my heart. This i know above all things. That He is the Truth the Way and the Life. I cannot deny Him. Even questioning Him about my present suffering seems so wrong in my spirit. What are the trials i am gg thru compared to His suffering? Really i have not been a testimony of God during the past two months. Doubting, worrying, unable to love people who dont love me, displaying everything a Christian is not. Unvictorious. but that is all my judgement of myself isnt it? Judgement that has been poured out on His Son. and what can i help myself to change, but only to let it go.

Letting go sounds so simple, but i find it really so difficult. like labouring unto His rest. The hard part is indeed resting. but stil i must learn, and apply. I take whatever scrap falls off the table, so thirsty, so hungry. Man shall not live by bread alone. but by every Word of God. every bitter thing has become sweet. Lord, where is my measure of faith? Why cannot i bring it to bear?

But this is left of me, but to never let go of You. Never forget You. And to never quit. but that if this is not the path You want me to take, then let You be who You are. And fail me now, to succeed me in the future.

He loveS me.

phew! Now's dinner time, so have a little bit of time to relax. I tell you, when my progress check flight began today, i thought i was done for. Everything that could go wrong, went wrong! The weather was bad, i was assigned an airflied i had never flown, etc... Haha.. i had finished my ground checks, strapped into the aircraft with the instructor already in, and started to put on my gloves when wham! i apparently only had one side! Ended up releasing the straps, runnin all the way back tryin to find the other side, and borrowing a set from a senior. What a start. Can't help but feel that if it was another instructor, i might already had failed it. But all i could remember was telling myself that it wasn't over... and to fly the rest of the sortie as normal. The adrenaline got to me at first and i could not perform my ground procedures proficiently. But thank God i settled down before i entered the runway.

The rest of the flight went even better than i expected. It must be God. Flew so well i was surprised. And it was quite morale boosting to hear the instructor say he was impressed. Doesnt happen often at all... Rest of the flight went on smoothly, and i ended up passing it with more than average grades. More i think of it, the more i think it's God. Not flying tmr and possibly the day after. So that's absolutely timely for me after flying 3 days in a row.

I just wanna end this blog by thanking God. You know, i really cried out to God the past week or so. Really so desperate for His intervention. And something i believe in more and more is the prayer of two or more. My dad has an appointment with me every night at ten pm to pray and agree with each other. And it shall be done on earth and in heaven. And he encouraged me to pray in tongues every night for 5 min. haha... though i dont think it's time related blessings, but i still believe that there is power released. So i pray in tongues when i go to sleep until i really knock out.. haha... but i think i got better sleep than most nights! The devil will always threaten i guess. that everytime i proclaim His work and grace, he would try somethin bad and try to make me regret. But i am not going to take anything away from God. He deserves all glory, all praise.

Yes. He loves me. On the cross, He loveS me.

trying.

the past week has got to be one of my lowest points since coming here. but things have picked up a little since yesterday. Got a big test tmr. A flying progress check. the first test for me. A bit nervous really. Just felt that although the recent times really suck, i would experience many such times in the future. Perhaps if had more faith i would be able to proclaim somethin that's so against what is and should be happening.

Feel better though. Thanks to my dad and kelvin who i managed to talk to at last.. i guess that this is the test of character. The thoughts of quitting jus keep popping in my head but that is something i just simply refuse to do. Hmm, the guy i talked about before.. the one who grabbed my Bible.. he's leaving. He just feels that this is not the life he wants to live. And i guess none of us would fault him for it. But i pray God would give me the strength for me to carry on. Because to be strong and courageous, i need His providence too...

40 deg celsius today... dont remember that in Singapore man... haha... like i was in an oven. Flying was cancelled cos of this and even the flies didnt appear at all. even supposed to have a meteor shower last night. had to sleep early though so i missed it. Heard it didnt appear anyway...

Oh yeah, i saw Sharene on Sunday after church. Glad to see someone from Spore. Though i had to rush off as i had a time to meet. And also, the church went from debt into the black recently. It was such a testament of God.

Praise you Jesus. You have made a way.

picture of Christ

was reading judges recently... as i read it, somethin made me refer to e sword, which offers the Hebrew and Greek translations... i dont know if the following is interpreted right. But it reminds me of Christ. And i remember P.Prince telling us that the old testament is a reflection of the new, and when read with Christ in the picture, brings out its true meaning. So i am gg to send it out on e mail..

had a sim flight today.. with a different instructor... i was really nervous in the beginning. Though he prob is one of the nicer instructors. As i progressed, it really didnt seem like a good flight. But when i got my grade sheet, i was pleasantly surprised. Praise God. You know, sometimes it really is not what we can do but what He does. And in my training, what i cannot do seems to be magnified so many times. But i am learning to shift my focus on Him. And how to surrender to Him, for He will guide my path, even through the valley of death, He is my Shepherd. A thousand shall fall by my side, and ten thousand by my right hand, but it shall not come near me!

There's another Christian in my course... quite a new one i think. You know, he got a really nasty instructor... Imagine getting scolded and discouraged throughout the entire flight whilst trying to maintain performance man... He aint reacting too well to the instructor. One time, i was impressed to open my Bible and find a verse for Him. Almost immediately, i was reading Psalm 23. And i showed it to him. Didnt even wait for his reaction. Few days ago, he had a torturing post flight brief.. again.. and my frens were telling me, when he came back to our study room, he went straight for my Bible, grabbed it, and went into the changing room. I didnt ask him about it but i believe God will deliver. It is not me anyway. I want to live for His glory.